hi,
please give what you think about my essay:
Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Execution of criminals
One of the most important concerns of any government in the world is how to increase the security level in their countries. Applying strong punishment on criminals (such as death penalty) and making example of them to others is one of the most powerful ways to decrease the crime levels.
A research by King Saud university took place last year showed that countries which applys capital punishment on criminals, has less crime rate than countries that does not apply such punishment. Though it is a powerful tool against crime, but it is not right that all criminals get executed for any crime. In my opinion, only murderers and drug dealers must have such punishment. Moreover, having the criminals executed in public will have the strongest affect on people, and raise the fear inside them from committing such crime.
Some people may say that no one has the right to take the life of a human, even if he committed murder. They say that throwing those criminals in jail for a long time is enough. Then our society will be safe. I can ensure that those people usually change their opinion when someone kills their kids or brother. Also, why should we pay money to keep those criminals alive.
In the nutshell, I can confidently say that the increment of crime level is attributed to not having strong punishment rules such as capital punishment.Great essay! It was filled with good logos and addresses the counterargument well. Ironically, I also did a research paper on the death penalty, but I addressed the other side of your point of view.
This is just a personal opinion, but avoid adding drug dealers as one of those deserving capital punishment. There are children, high school students, out there who are drug dealers. The fact that they can be tried as adults and can be sentenced to life in prison is bad enough, but be sentenced to death too? That is a little extreme, especially for children who are influenced by a bad environment to make such bad choices. Anyways, in regards to your essay, if possible, avoid writing stuff like "I can confidently say" before your argument because it seems weak for such a controversial argument. If you write it in general terms, it will make your argument stronger as it seems many people back your argument. The prompt asks "to what extent do you agree/disagree" and in your essay, this part of the prompt was addressed in one sentence. Perhaps you could explain more why this punishment should be applied only to certain criminals. Also, if you don't know what a hook is, it is a sentence that grabs the readers' attention immediately once they read it. It makes the reader want to read your essay. You can use a famous quote, a small anecdote, or a series of rhetorical questions that make the reader think about the topic at hand. Other than that, that was a thoughtful, nicely written essay. :)
You write very well... I have a few suggestions for you;
1) State your opinion clearly in the introduction as to what your think about this argument.
2) Start your body para with one direct reason for your opinion and support it with a specific example. Do the same in every body para ( I suggest you to restrict number of body paras to two for easy time management)
3) Have at least 250 words
Nice comments, I clearly need to work on grammer
anyhow, what band can this essay receive??
