Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

Exercise or a balanced diet to health? Discussion essay.


Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Oct 26, 2017   #1
Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

healthy diet and exercises - both crucial for health



It is commonly believed that the way toward being healthy is by doing the workout. Which leads to others consider that a regular balanced eating habit is far more crucial. In this essay, I will discuss both points of view and present my opinion to this discussion below.

On the one hand, some think that the most effective way to health is by doing exercise. In other words, exercise helps one's body consume the food and convert them into energy as well as expel the toxins by sweating it out. As a result, it keeps one body's system working properly while kicking toxins out of one's body.

On the other hand, others believe that it is far more important to have a right proportion of eating habit. Particularly, having a balanced diet would avoid the negative effect of intaking exceeded one particular substance from the food and therefore, it would keep one's body stay healthy by getting all the good nutrients from a wide variety of food.

Finally, I consider that doing exercise regularly and keeping a healthy diet is equally important. Specifically, by only exercising without giving up on junk food or overly consumed sugar or salt in food would eventually lead to diabetes. Nevertheless, merely regulating the eating habit without a structural and consistent workout schedule would easily suffer any form of heart diseases as its heart muscles are not strong enough to withstand the sudden pressure that might occur in everyday life.

In conclusion, while exercise could help a body function properly. A healthy diet could avoid consuming one specific substance in food excessively. And I suggest that they are both crucial in health because without either one of its habits, which would potentially induce some serious diseases to a person.

Words: 295

Thanks!

CJ

alvin1902 4 / 7 1  
Oct 26, 2017   #2
@Jimmy879873

"... by doing exercise. In other words, exercise helps ..."

Remove in other words, because in other ...

"A healthy diet could avoid consuming ..."

I think you mean should and not could. and also, use comma instead of period in ".... body function properly, a healthy diet ..."
dhearifa 2 / 1 1  
Oct 26, 2017   #3
@Jimmy879873

I would like to give some suggestion for you essay, I hope it will be useful

1. In order to attract the reader and make it clear to show your position in this essay, it is better if you mention that both are equally important in the first paragraph.

2.Rather than talking about disease repetitively, you can also mention why exercise is important because it could give relaxation to the body and release stress which is important for mental health. This will give more variation and lexical resources to your essay
kris123 1 / 1 1  
Oct 26, 2017   #4
I also agree that you should clearly state your position at the beginning. You may want to re-consider the first parts of your sentences to improve the flow of your essay because 'on the one hand', 'finally', 'in conclusion' breaks it down too much and is a bit repetitive.

As for the health aspects, without any references you could just make general statements ie.

Specifically, by only exercising without ...
By only exercising and still making unhealthy food choices such as consuming excess salt and sugar, this could lead to future chronic health conditions such as diabetes or cancer.

Also your last paragraph doesn't flow as well. Perhaps try: Although exercise contributes to proper body function, a healthy diet is equally as necessary because it helps reduce the risk factors for developing potential health issues. Together, these habits will provide a more holistic approach to a healthy lifestyle and have a greater chance in avoiding future diseases.

Hope this helps!
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,531 2963  
Oct 27, 2017   #5
SG, aside from the problematic opening statement, that left me dazed and confused, the overall presentation that you have is admirable. The essence of each paragraph is clear with only one topic discussed with proper supporting sentences. Good job. The personal statement provides a highly analytical representation of the previous two discussions in relation to your personal opinion. Excellent work. You show the potential to become a very good essayist. All your paragraphs are within the minimum sentence requirement and a majority of the sentences are acceptably worded and formed so you should get a passing LR, C&C, and GRA score. It is the TA that will actually pull your score down because you were obviously unsure as to how you should write that section. Let me give you an idea about that:

A common belief is that exercise of the only way to achieve perfect health. Recently though, another idea has begun to take hold. The idea states that a balanced diet may have more value towards the overall health considerations of a person. In this essay, I will discuss both points of view and offer my own opinion regarding the discussion.

That is a clearer paraphrase of the original prompt. Compare it to the one that you wrote and you will see for yourself why your version is a bit confusing for the reader to understand.
Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Oct 28, 2017   #6
My suggestion is to make your statement clearly at first place, which means, choose a side. This can avoid the confusion if you didnt make the paragraph clear after. At least the reader can understand your preference at beginning. Although the topic ask you to discuss both, and it still ask to show your position. So I think it will be better if you say:

"In this essay, I will discuss both points of view ... In my opinion, I think both side are equally important and I will discuss in the following essay."

Hope it helps!
hiimsandra 5 / 7 3  
Oct 30, 2017   #7
@Jimmy879873

Hello,
This essay is complete integration, I think it is almost flawless.

I've been taught to give a general answer, mentioning both sides and your opinion at first paragraph.
Just simple description, so reader can understand your opinion clearly.


Home / Writing Feedback / Exercise or a balanced diet to health? Discussion essay.