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Exercise writing test 2 (Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job..)


alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 19, 2016   #1
Question:
Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important.

Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Answer:
Nowadays, Most of people assumed when they work or get job just purpose to get more much money. Eventhough, sometimes they work who they dislike. Moreover, to choose for job which unappropriate with their background. Particularly, they graduated from agriculture but choose works at bank which not related with their major. It caused they need money immediately.

However, pundits thought if someone works in their passion, it can make them happy and keep spirit for face their life. The advantage when someone decided to works with his passion. They will enjoy to work, for example when someone has hobby to singing, and she decided to became a singer, she probably will enjoy her job because she started her job from hobby or something who she like. Therefore, many people can more easily to be successful because they never give up and always work seriously.

From all of the advantages, there is one problem when someone keep work with not their passion, they will stressfull because many matter of their work, and more difficult to solved it. However, when people have ability with something but not follow their ability to try. It might not good for their life. So if you have dream to become someone you must believe and hardwork to achieved, because who determined your success is yourself.

In conclusion, sometimes someone need money to their live, so all job probably will accepted and forget that he has good ability in other job. In my opinion if you don't like your job, better you choose to resign and find job which suitable for you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,635 3478  
Nov 19, 2016   #2
Alfin, for the Task Achievement portion, you would probably get a 3 because you did not properly restate the prompt in your own words. The proper restatement would have been similar to the following:

While some people believe that people can only be happy doing a job they love, others believe that there are more important factors to consider when taking on a job. One of these reasons could be the need for money. In my opinion, I believe that people would be happier doing a job that they love doing. The reasons for which I will be discussing below.

Your coherence and cohesion would be a 4. You are discussing the topic somewhat properly using a somewhat logical progression. The problem is that you are writing under a time constraint and you are unable to properly scan your document for coherence and cohesion before submitting it. I would like to suggest that you learn how to allot your time properly using the existing time frame so that you will have some time remaining for editing and revision for final content.

The lexical resource, I am sad to say, would not score more than a 2. Which would be followed by a 3 in terms of grammatical range and accuracy. The problem is that you have a limited vocabulary in terms of the English language and this has caused you to have problems in forming even the simplest of sentence formations. This causes undue stress on the reader and does creates a difficulty as the reader tries to understand the discussion you are trying to present.

I know that it seems like the scores are really bad and you might feel defeated right now. Don't be. Things will get better for you in terms of scoring provided you keep doing the practice tests and you do your best to improve your understanding and usage of the English language. It all boils down to becoming more familiar with English as a secondary language for you. Good luck! I am rooting for your improvement!
ifraanisa05 44 / 70 6  
Nov 19, 2016   #3
Hi, Alfin! hjavascript:paste_strinL(selektion,3,'','','')ere are my suggestions towards your essay
EventhoughEven though, sometimes they work ...

Moreover, to choose for a job which unappropriateinappropriate with their background.

...... which not related withto their major.

It caused they need money immediately.
you mentioned about money in your introductory paragraph, but you did not discuss it in your body paragraph. it will be better if you discuss it or just change your thesis statement

They will enjoy to workworking
change it into gerund

she decided to becamebecome a singer
to + V1

... job from hobby or something whowhich she like.
relative pronoun as object 'hobby or something'

they will stressfullbe stress

because of many matter ofdifficulties their work
because + S + V
because of + noun
mardian24 46 / 75  
Nov 19, 2016   #4
Hi alfinkurnia, I want to give some comments on your essay

Nowadays, Most of people assumedassume when they work (...) to get more muchmuch more money
1. Nowadays, usually a time signal for present tense. You should change into present.

2. Eventhough even though, sometimes they work whowhat they dislike

3. Moreover, topeople choose for job which unappropriateinappropriate with their background
You need verb in sentence, so just eliminate 'to'.
you can use inappropriate to state that something wrong happen

Thank you
Keep writing


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