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Exhibiting ability in front of television becomed popular among citizens all around the world


dinartika19 37 / 67 6  
Aug 18, 2016   #1
Topic :

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today

Are these shows a good methods of finding talented people or are they just entertainment


Recently, exhibiting ability in front of television become popular among citizens all around the world. Most of the series can create talented inhabitants into a well known star, also gave a chance for nobody change their lives as rich people.

Using talent show as a media to increase career path faster is the best way to do. For example, Fatin Sidqia, a famous singer from Indonesia, started her journey from a talent show called " X - Factor". Long ago before it, she was a normal high school student, but she want to prove the world that she has an unique voice. Talent show also performs a real process "from nothing into something" from the beginning. First step, they opened a big audition for everyone, Britain's Got Talent for example, accepted all inhabitants with different countries and range of age could enter. Second, the partisipants got exercise and chance to learn from the best tutor, sometimes the judges them self, so they improved their skill. Third, to win the competition, the show use an online platform for citizens to choose their favorite candidate, and it made it impossible for them to manipulate.

However, few television stations use the show just for entertainment. Most of them pretended they would searched brilliant talents, but then end up make their relatives an artist. Although, it doesn't always a bad thing because, if their relatives have a great talent and follow the given rules, so it was no problem.

In conclusion, I think using television channels to find talented citizens is a wonderful thing. People can change their lives that never imagined. The stations also show the whole process so it's unworkable to cheat to turn into successful person.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Aug 18, 2016   #2
Hi Atikah, below are thoughts on your essay, I hope the corrections will enhance your essay and be ready for submission.
I would like to focus on the last two paragraphs of the essay as I believe this is where the enhancements are needed.
However, before we start with the modification, I would like to share that, though there are a lot of effects of television in our lives, as a form of entertainment, it also yield loads of valuable lessons specially to our kids, of course with proper supervision, this interaction is very effective and important.

Please find the suggested corrections below;

- However, few television stations use the shows
- just for entertainment.
- Most of them pretended they would searched brilliant talents,
- but then end up makehaving their relatives as an artist.
- Although, it doesn't always have to be a bad thing because,
- if their relatives have ahas great talent
- and follow the given rules, so it was nothere should not be any problem.

- In conclusion, I thinkbelieve using television
- channels to find talented citizensartists is a wonderful thing.
- Peoplescan change their lives in a way
- that they never imagined.
- process so it's unworkable toin order to avoid
- cheatting and into turn intocreate a successful person.

There you have it Atikah, the corrections are our suggestions that will hopefully create an even stronger essay.


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