Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Writing Task 2: the purpose of the existence of university

mita23 34 / 37 3  
Feb 22, 2016   #1
Some people believe that the aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs while some others hold that there are wider benefits for the individual and the society. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.

Many students enter the university for diverse purpose. Majority people argue that university is place where pupils can obtain help to seek great occupation in the future whilst the opponents believe that knowledge, which students gain in university, is useful for their life and society. In my opinion, the function of university not only for finding job, but also for individual and community.

With regard to the first statement, it is true that university can assist young people to seek the job, because it gives scholar helpful service of pursuing career, so for those who have knowledge in university will get ease when they look for job. In my university, for example, many learners are obliged by university in seeking job because it provides various supports, such as providing valid information of satisfactory occupation, maintaining the students' necessity related to the job requirements and giving excellent recommendation. Consequently, undergraduate people can obtain best position in job.

Therefore, there is no doubt that university can assist youth in finding occupation.

Moreover, experiences, which teenagers get in university, can be applied to the real world, so it will be useful for them and their social life. To illustrate, when societies have a problem in maintaining food quality, students of food science and technology can give solution to overcome that problem by sharing the knowledge about it to society. As a result, many people can know how to create high quality of their diet.

To sum up, It is necessary for them to take many advantages of university because it can supply effects to students not only for seeking job but also for themselves and the group's lives.

Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Feb 22, 2016   #2
Hi mita, firstly, please change the "whilst" with "while". I am not saying that this is wrong, both while and whilst have same meanings but "whilst" is not used in standard english. So try to write "while" instead of "whilst". Also, you tend to use extra words which make the essay wordy. Avoid saying same meaning in different lines/words.

I did not get any strong opinion from you, similar mistake in your essays. I repeat prompt asked you to show the opinion. So, even if you mentioning both the opinions, try to strongly address one opinion. For an example if you write one good point of each opinion, try to write two good points of the opinion you hold. There are other prompts too asking to express both the views then you are supposed to be neutral but in this prompt, where you need to discuss then give the opinion, you need to hold one opinion. Please go through this and then practice more essays.
OP mita23 34 / 37 3  
Feb 25, 2016   #3
Ok, finally I get it. Tonight, I will post discuss both of views writing, I hope you can give suggestions again to me.
well, thank you so much because you give me a warning of it.

Home / Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: the purpose of the existence of university