What do you think of my paper? Please be brutally honest...
The topic is just to "Write about your existentialistic beliefs".
My teacher didn't specify on the writing structure. Do you think i need a introductory paragraph or is it okay?
I believe in free will and that choices are always available on some levels. Sure, I am not free from certain events, natural disasters, or influences, but I am free to make rational choices based on those past experiences. It's almost as if life starts off on a straight road, empty of choices. As a child, I can't choose not to go to school, nor can I choose not to eat my vegetables. In the end, the law would just get me in trouble for the long absence from school, and my parents will somehow force me to eat the sodden broccoli after threats of taking my toys away. As I finally mature and experience life, the once straight road starts diverging into different paths. Should I skip school? Should I cheat on a test? Since my past experiences guides me to my decisions, I know that skipping math class will only land me in detention, and that cheating on a test will only get me expelled sooner or later. Knowing the consequences, these instincts lead us to our free decision. Even though we are not free from influences, we are free to make rational choices.
With freewill, we possess the freedom to act any way we prefer. But I believe in karma. I believe that a person committing cruel acts will always be punished, and that a person who contributes to the society positively will be rewarded. Once, I started noticing that one of my "friends" cheats on a lot of her tests and graded homework. Of course, I was bothered since we were in a lot of the same classes together. What if she does better than I do through her means of cheating? I wondered. I was absolutely paranoid; I wanted her to be caught. Only upon reflection did I finally realize that I had no reason to be angry, because one day, her actions are going to result in consequences. She cannot possibly cheat all her life. Finally when she is no longer able to cheat, she is going to suffer with the unfamiliar workload. Then will she finally learn that she did get caught. Although not by a teacher, but by her own adaptability.
I know this may sound stupid, but I believe that karma extends to the afterlife too. Growing up in a Buddhist family, I've always believed in reincarnation. My mom always told me how the religion believes in a reincarnation swim. Basically, right after death, one has to swim across an ocean to reach land; except that the ocean is compiled of all the cruel acts that one has performed in his or her lifetime. So, between a murderer and an altruistic person, the murderer will have a longer swim to struggle through. Once one reaches land, one will be reincarnated based on his or her actions in the previous life. So again, perhaps the murderer will be reborn as a rat, while the benefactor will be reborn as human again. Whoever did well in their previous life will be granted an easier next life.
Life is like the roads; there is a right path and a wrong path. Crosswalks are life's choices; the cul-de-sacs, the dead end from pitfalls of bad decisions. We have the freedom to choose which path we want to take, which street we want to cross. But when we stray too far from goodness, we will get lost hit a cul-de-sac. Then, we will be punished as we struggle to stay on the right path the next time around. When we finally find the right path and manage to stay on it, we will reach out destination. We will reach the goal we struggled hard for and finally achieve what we deserve.
I'm sorry, I got too tired to keep going, I had minimal sleep last night and just finished finals. But okay, so the essay, what I saw in it was it was far too colloquial. No matter what class it's for, it's still a class, thus, it an essay should be an essay, not a blog post. perhaps your teacher does it different, I wouldn't know, but it just sounds too colloquial for most hw assignments. Also, once again, this is more personal than anything, personal examples *pardon the pun* are usually weak supporting arguments. It has a feeling of "slapped together at the last minute." I really liked your ending paragraph. It shows actual thought rather than pulling examples out of your butt that who knows if they're true or not. plus, personal examples are not very concrete. Yet still, I do not know your class or your teacher and maybe that is what they are looking for. Either way, good luck.
Do you think i need a introductory paragraph or is it okay?
It depends on whether or not you care about showing "good composition," whatever that is. If you want it to look like good comp, whip up an intro. Say something intriguing, explain it, and give a poignant thesis sentence.
Let the intro introduce a theme that will be the central truth of the whole essay!
I know this may sound stupid, but I believe that karma extends to the afterlife too. ------- use a different word, something other than stupid. the truth is, karma theory and the notion of reincarnation are intertwined, so it is not stupid at all to believe the way you do.
I found a typo at the end! "we will reach out destination."
:-)
