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UF Essay - exited about the maturing experience


mollyrama09 /  
Sep 11, 2008   #1
Did I do this essay OK? Does it get to the point and does it have any errors gramatically?

Prompt:
Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.


"Jeffery, use your walking feet inside!" I commanded as the 4-year-old came to a screeching halt.

As I entered my workplace, Children's Montessori School, I was greeted by twenty or so smiling toddlers swarming around me, hugging my legs. It was a pleasant change from the judgmental faces I encountered at school.

Before I knew it, I was out supervising all the kids on the playground. I oversaw the children from the sandbox, where I sat with my 1-year-old friend, Gabriella. Everyday, we would sit in that sandbox, and she would play with the ringlets in my hair. She seemed to be equally mesmerized by it every day. It amazed me how she could find something so ordinary to the adult eye so fascinating. It made me think about how much you miss as you grow older, seeing everyday things as just "run of the mill", not appreciating anything.

Suddenly, I felt a tiny tap on my shoulder. I knew who it was even before seeing his distraught face.

"Miss Molly! Patrick took my shovel and won't give it back!"

Every day, without fail, Billy and his best friend, Patrick, would bicker about one thing or another. And every day, Billy would say something along the lines of, "Patrick isn't being nice! I'm never going to talk to him again!" But I know that when I enter work the next day, I'll see them playing together like nothing ever happened. It seems all kids are like that. They live in the present and don't dwell on the past. Unlike adults, they don't let negative moments, like fighting over a toy, control them.

Soon, I could see the line of the parents' cars pulling into the parking lot. I knew I had to face the disheartening task of telling the kids it was time to go home.

Before long, all but one child, Ashley, was left waiting for her father to pick her up. Even after her fun-filled day, her face still lit up once she saw her father pull into the parking lot. Once he was through the doors, Ashley bolted out of my lap into the welcoming arms of her father. As she was walking out the door hand-in-hand with her dad, she turned and blew me a kiss. She made me realize how easily children accept others, and how adults make it so much more difficult.

There are many lessons to be learned from children, and I was lucky enough to have the experience of being in their presence on a daily basis. I learned to never take things for granted, like being given an extra day for a college assignment. I discovered how not to have something such as a bad grade consume me. Furthermore, I've seen how accepting others will help me put my differences from others aside and learn to cooperate. I am excited for the maturing experience that lies ahead, but I hope to never lose the child in me.

EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Sep 11, 2008   #2
Excellent work! Your content is great; you tell your story very well and make really good points. Your comparison between kids and adults is a wonderful picture. The only thing that concerns me is the use of contractions. If this is not to be a formal essay but more of an informal one, you should be fine. If it is formal, you should replace the contractions with their full-fledged counterparts.
OP mollyrama09 /  
Sep 11, 2008   #3
thank you sooooo much! appreciate the comments!


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