It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
skills are what matters most
In some countries, the policy of education is aim at expanding more empty places in universities for young students who just only graduated from high school. Although there are some advantages for economic and social, I completely agree that there isn't realistic for such a high proportion of young people following university studies.
It is not feasible to offer places in universities for most youngsters. First and foremost, the payment for building more campuses would be prohibitive, not to mention the cost for buying indispensable teaching equipment. Without learning areas, new students accepted by these universities wouldn't have their own spaces to study and must join other old classes, which makes the teaching quality go down. Moreover, the entrance mark of these colleges must be lowered in order to match with the education level of youngsters. Clearly, the standard of learning in higher education would be unstable.
In terms of manpower resources for the country economic, this doesn't bring back any advantages. In spite of the truth that many countries dream of having many people who have finished their higher education and been well-trained about social problems, this would be the reason for lacking of skilled technicians and employees in manufacturing and service sectors. Instead, the government should pay more attention on opening more classes teaching realistic jobs for school-leavers, combine with the opportunities of gaining real experiences or getting a job, which not just learning theory. To balance a steady economic means providing good work opportunities in all sectors of economy.
To sum up, I fully agree with the idea that learning is not enough and having skills in every part of the economy are what we want.
Here are some corrections,
the cost of buying
the country economically
I believe you wrote a great essay. With a wide range of vocabulary and grammar structures. But your body paragraphs didn't provide an example. It is good practice to add examples for each argument you made.
Your Summary paragraph is too small. the minimum number of sentences for each paragraph should be 3. And also it does not give a complete overview of the essay.
Another point, although it could be just me, in the middle of paragraph 4 I kind of lost your point. I think because there were too many details.
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Ameila, you started out discussing one topic in this essay and ended with a different altogether. All of your paragraphs do not properly discuss a reason, it only points out multiple reasons in one paragraph. Thus creating an incoherent and non-cohesive essay presentation. It isn't enough for you to simply indicate that you know the reasons. You have to pick the strongest reason and build up your discussion of that in one paragraph. That is how you prove your English comprehension skills and properly address the requirements of the prompt. At this point, this essay contains a mash up of information that you failed ot keep track of which is why you ended up discussing two different topics in the end. One reason per paragraph, that is the best way to write the explanatory statements. Never more than that. More than that and you end up with this failure as an essay.
You were only being asked to discuss an extent of your agreement or disagreement with the given topic. It had nothing to do with the discussion of manpower in your country. That is where your prompt went totally wrong in its presentation. You need to remember to review the prompt requirement as you write so that you do not forget what the topic is and you can double check your work to make sure you are staying on track with your writing. You veered off course with this essay.
All of these reasons piled up to create a non prompt responsive essay. Don't feel too bad though. As we point out your mistakes, you should start to get your writing on track and develop a better focus towards your essay discussion development.