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The expansion of higher education from 1970~2000; leadership of the Presidents


irenecc 3 / 1  
Nov 10, 2008   #1
Well, Let me talk about my aim of essay writing a little bit. I am a international student and have to answer some essay questions for on-line application in education field. Thanks for your grammar advice. it's helpful.

Here is my "research experience", I would like to talk about one of my works which is related to my future study. I wrote a paragrpah like this:

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With Louise's instruction, I analyzed the expansion of higher education in from 1970~2000, and discussed leadership of the Presidents among 83 universities. Using the transformational leadership theory, semi-structure interviews, quantitative method to inquiry the effectiveness of Presidents' leadership. The toughest part was to get the valid samples as many as possible. Due to the lack of official integrated contact list, I searched the websites of 83 universities to get head staffs and faculties' email addresses. Moreover, I established the electronic questionnaire and on-line database to keep their responses confidential. Through it, I got to know how complicated and opaque the dual system, academic and administrative in the higher education are. By my hardship, my thesis was acceptable and published in the National Graduate Conference in 2007.

EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 10, 2008   #2
Good afternoon.

"With Louise's instruction, I analyzed the expansion of higher education in from 1970~2000, and discussed leadership of the Presidents among 83 universities. Using the transformational leadership theory, semi-structure interviews, quantitative method to inquiry the effectiveness of Presidents' leadership.What happened? You begin with "using," insinuating that there are results. The toughest part was gettingthe valid samples as many as possible.This is an incomplete sentence. Please finish it. Due to the lack of official integrated contact list...

... system, academic and administrative, in the higher education system are. By my hardship, my thesis was acceptable and published in the National Graduate Conference in 2007. However, if possible, I'dAvoid contractions in formal academic writing. like to discuss this topic in more detail and study how other universities that experienced similar expansion among the world deal with their challenges. That is what I exactly want to study from your program."


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