Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

IELTS-experience or born traits?which is more effective?


ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Feb 4, 2011   #1
Topic-Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Answer-

Personality is a very important trait which accelerates the development of an individual. It is said that the first impression is the last impression. Personality gives that first impression to anyone we meet. Personality is often thought as physical appearance, but it includes the attitude,aptitude,behaviour and physical appearance, all amalgamated in one term. Some researchers believe that the born characteristics are more important for the development of personality than the real experiences of life. However, real experiences in life is the driving force which can have both, good or bad, effects on an individual's personality.

Most importantly, experience helps in learning and sharpening of one's skills. Experience aids in identifying the weaknesses and turning it into strength. Exposure determines the effect on an individual. When a person has a good social circle, comprising intelligent, skilled and dedicated people, it will inspire the individual and they will also learn new things. Thus, exposure and the experiences gained from it will affect the approach and overall skills of an individual.

Nevertheless, personality development depends on the determination,efforts and the experiences gained from it. Education systems have included personality development classes to let the students share their thoughts and have new learning experiences. For instance, Arnold Schwarznegger was born in a farmer family, in Austria. It was due to his efforts and the experiences he gained which made him the world known body-builder and then the Governor of California.

However, some people think that born characteristics are enough for the development. But this is a myth, far from reality. A diamond is a very precious stone. But without proper polishing, it will remain as black as the coal along with which it is found. In the same way, experience is the polishing which is required to develop the skills and personality of an individual.

Without harnessing a field, crop can't grow to its full potential. Experience is that tool which harnesses an individual and affects their overall character. Companies in this modern era look for experienced employees because they know all the possible situations which can arise. Experience reduces mistakes and increases the overall efficiency. Thus, I firmly believe that experience is more important than any born talent. Without experience, one can not grow or learn and this will be eventually detrimental to the overall development. Experience is a lubricant which reduces friction while facing various situations in life.

skayode 1 / 3  
Feb 4, 2011   #2
I think you should not start that essay that way.For instance, starting with a fact like "it is said that the first impression is the last impression" born-inborn for- than FLUCTUATION OF TENSES. i THINK I LIKE YOUR ESSAY, IT IS WONDERFUL BUT FEW ERRORS.THANKS
s_maryam 5 / 14  
Feb 7, 2011   #3
nice essay.I liked the fifth paragraphs particularly.
but I think the word "personality" that is repeated five times in the first paragraph is better to be replaced by another word or pronoun.
OP ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Feb 7, 2011   #4
Thanks Maryam..i just noticed that in the whole essay, I used 'personality' 8 times out of which 5 was in the first para only...hahaha...will see that I dont do such mistakes...thanks my friend.
EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Feb 10, 2011   #5
Personality is not physical appearance.

Personality is not thought about as physical appearance, but instead includes the attitude, aptitude, and behaviour all amalgamated in one term.----Now, this is a great sentence.

Not it, them.
Experience aids in identifying the weaknesses and turning them into strengths.

However, some people think that born characteristics are enough for the development. ---This is unclear. Do you mean to say that some people believe born characteristics determine everything about development?

But this is a myth, far from reality. ---I like the way you worded this sentence!

I have a suggestion for this one:
A diamond is a very precious stone, but without proper polishing it will remain as black as the coal along with which it is found.----another beautiful sentence.

Experience is a lubricant which reduces friction while facing various situations in life.---Ha ha, I don't know if a lubricant metaphor is the best way to end the essay. This is very good writing, though... but I think you should come up with a different idea... not lubricant. :-)
OP ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Feb 10, 2011   #6
Hi Susan,
thanks n i feel good that u like my lines...by the way what do u expect from a mechanical engineering psycho writing an essay in a Fluid machinery lecture n not to think about engineering jargons????? Lmao

hehehe...anyways thanks


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS-experience or born traits?which is more effective?