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The experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life

xuanhieu2611 2 / 2  
Dec 16, 2020   #1
let me know what band I got from this essay.

Question :
Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

Humans will change by events they have gone over. Some people tell that students will be influenced by their experiences when they are a child. However, others say that experiences when they have grown up, especially at school, will affect them the most. In my point of view, both experiences have a huge influence on their lives.

On the one hand, kids tend to repeat behaviors from other people. For example, if we treat our babies softly, they will act the way we did for them. By contrast, if kids see their parents altercate often, they will become a hot-tempered person. In addition, playing puzzle or any toys help them develop their brand to become smarter when they grow up. Finally, the habits of children also reflect their personality and interests. For instance, a kid who plays with car models tends to be big on cars and explore them a lot in the future.

On the other hand, knowledge adolescent is taught at school play a very important role in their lives. Although teenagers were taught by their parents when they were children, however, they can develop in various ways. Therefore, school is where adolescents can be directed in the right way. At school, teachers create plenty of conditions to help improve their missing skills as well as develop their strong points.

In conclusion, in my opinion, children need to be educated in the correct way during the period from a kid to an adult because all of those experiences will influence what kind of human they will be.

Here is my essay for IELTS TASK 2 I will take a real IELTS Test next month. Please help me with this essay, what score I can get?.
ngthuha 6 / 14 5  
Dec 16, 2020   #2
Hi. I think that you lacked of the topic sentence for the 1st body paragraph (the 2nd para) , "...kids tend to repeat behaviors from other people.' should be the supporting idea as it might mislead the readers if it is a main idea.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,157 3635  
Dec 17, 2020   #3
Kindly sign up for our premium private services or make this thread URGENT to receive a scoring review from me. Scoring is not part of the free services. Students who score essays for fellow students shall be suspended from their forum membership.

The first sentence in the restatement is an opinion that is not being asked for in the restatement. You should have saved that sentence for the reasoning paragraphs, as it would have made an effective topic sentence for your discussion reasons. Never offer an opinion or additional information in the prompt restatement section. That will result in reduced TA points for you.

You successfully explained both public points of view in the presentation, then forgot to present a fully developed personal opinion as the third paragraph in the reasoning presentation. Your opinion cannot be the concluding presentation in the essay at the concluding presentation is always used to present the reverse paraphrase. Your opinion, in the conclusion is not well developed nor presented. This resulted in an open ended essay, without a conclusion so your presentation has a formatting error, which will affect the TA score, among other things.

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