Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 9


an experiment essay - A memorable evening


onindo 5 / 20  
Jan 9, 2009   #1
A memorable evening

I remember knowing someone called Gregor once. Gregor Samsa. The last time I visited his house, I saw a huge cockroach!

Then my friend Franz told me that the cockroach was actually Gregor.

"What? He turned into an insect? How? What for?"

Franz smiles. Sadly. "He just couldn't do it. And now he's gone."

Silence.

I look around the park where we are. Children are playing, couples too. In the bench beside ours sat a joker and a thief. Their conversation is audible, and I, despite my reluctance, can't help but eavesdrop.

"There must be some way out of here" said the joker to the thief.
There's too much confusion", I can't get no relief

"No reason to get excited", the thief he kindly spoke.
"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke"

"Life is a joke!" shouts Wolfgang, who has just joined us.

I admire Wolfgang. He is a genius. He transformed the tale of Don Giovanni's punishment into one of amusement. Sure Byron was sore, but he too came around after witnessing Wolfgang's version of the epic.

"Let us laugh my friends, let us be merry. Let us be amused of misery and bemused of pain. Let us find joy at the sufferings of others and let others find joy at ours. Sorrow is hilarious my friends, so let us laugh, laugh, laugh!! HO HO HO!"

Silence.

Everyone is bewildered. The children have stopped playing, the couples too. The joker is speechless, the thief too. The wind blows, the leaves rustle. And stands there Wolfgang, laughing at the silence, laughing at our shock, laughing out loud.

"I shall do it", says Franz under his breath, "I shall amuse the world."

He jumps up.

"I shall tell the world, the story of Gregor Samsa, and his metamorphosis. I shall make the world laugh where Gregor had cried, and laugh harder when Gregor had died."

"Because life is a joke," said the joker.

"And sorrow the thief," said the thief.

"And life's only bane," said Wolfgang,
"is not laughing at pain."

Everyone breaks into laughter; the children, the couples, the leaves, the trees. O what merriment!

Franz strides out in determination, saying he had a book to write. Wolfgang leaves with his new friends the joker and the thief. Children go home. Couples kiss goodbye. The sun sets, bringing about an end to a magical evening.

I stand alone in the darkness. And I break out into laughter.

this is strictly an experiment. Worthy?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 9, 2009   #2
An interesting and worthwhile approach to writing an essay, certainly. Whether or not it is suitable for an admissions essay is debatable. However, it certainly tells the admissions officers a lot about you, so I'd say to go for it. I'm not sure the joker and thief reference fits as is, though, mostly because with Kafka and Mozart you provide names, which make it really easy to pick up on your allusions, whereas with the joker and the thief, anyone not familiar with the song is likely to have to look it up. Also, the former are actual historical figures, whereas the latter are fictional creations. So is Gregor, of course, but his inclusion is sort of necessary to set up the ending with Franz. Just something you might want to think about.
OP onindo 5 / 20  
Jan 9, 2009   #3
I've really thought about the joker and thief reference.

But i can't find any other characters that fit now that I'm done with the essay.

any suggestions??
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 9, 2009   #4
Why not just throw in Dylan? If he were sitting with the joker and the thief, then the allusion becomes somewhat more obvious, since even if the reader hasn't heard the song, he can at least guess that the reference is to such a song.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 9, 2009   #5
Wow, I always thought Jimi Hendrix wrote that!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 9, 2009   #6
To quote shamelessly from wikipedia: "'All Along the Watchtower' is a song written and recorded by singer-songwriter Bob Dylan. It initially appeared on his album John Wesley Harding. It has been covered by other artists in different genres, most notably by the Jimi Hendrix Experience."
OP onindo 5 / 20  
Jan 9, 2009   #7
Dylan>Hendrix>wolfmother

I like the jimi hendrix version the best
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 9, 2009   #8
I suggest a bit more explanation at the end for the people who can't figure it all out. It is absolutely great to do something inspired instead of the same old admissions essay. What prompt did they give you? A "memorable evening?" I wonder if it would be good to add a reflection paragraph at the end... so you can talk plainly about your meaning. That way, the cool approach will have had its cool effect, but then you can explain yourself...
OP onindo 5 / 20  
Jan 9, 2009   #9
ok I'll try that


Home / Writing Feedback / an experiment essay - A memorable evening
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳