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IELTS- Should experiments on animals be banned?


SAM2014 8 / 13 3  
Sep 26, 2014   #1
Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The following is my essay. Please kindly help me to correct it and give me some suggestions to improve

It's true that animal experiments are commonly used to discover new medicines and to guarantee the safety of foods. While the experiments on animals are harmful to them, I argue that it is necessary for human beings to do that.

People benefit a lot from the products which are made and tested by animal experiments. A new medicine can be developed by experiments on a limited amount of animals, but it can reduce the sufferings of unlimited number of people or even save their lives. Besides, by making use of these experiments, scientists could find new types of foods, which could be helpful to tackle the problems of shortage of food around the world and lower down the death of hunger.

Some people, however, suggest that we should ban the animal experiments. One of their reasons is that every animal has its right to be alive, and we should not sentence it to death as it is innocent. Another reason would be that it is really cruel to have the laboratory animals to suffer from great pain and illness before killing them. As the technology is developing, we should be able to invent new process to achieve the same goal rather than do experiments on animals.

In my view, it is essential that we use the animal testing to develop products that we need. Although it causes some animals to suffer, it prevents the losing of lives of many other creatures. Hopefully there will be alternatives to these experiments in the future, but before that we still need to continue making advantage of them.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Sep 26, 2014   #2
When dealing with an essay topic this complex, research is your best friend Sam. This essay suffers from a lack of credibility because of the lack of authoritative sources and simplistic arguments that you present. I have made some suggestions below that I hope will help you to improve the content of this essay.

- Your introduction is incomplete. You should have presented all the sides of the issue that will be discussed along with the thesis and your point of view. In this format, only your point of view is being read which, as we know, does not follow the I-B-C rules of essay writing.

- Are you arguing this as your point of view or are you just mentioning one side of the discussion? Can you present supporting evidence to justify the claims made in this paragraph? How sure are you that these experiments can prevent death? The discussion is weak due to lack of supporting evidence.

- Strengthen this argument by presenting evidence from animals rights organizations such as PETA and ASPCA. Right now, these are claims that do not carry any weight due to lack of information.

In my view, it is essential that we use the animal testing to develop products that we need.

- Why do you think that it is essential to use animal testing? Your justification is very weak. You need to do additional research in order to give this paper any semblance of integrity and authority.


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