Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

Explain the benefits or inconveniences of travel


Bun cha 2 / 2  
Nov 20, 2022   #1

benefits or inconveniences of travel



Have you ever wondered what are some of the disadvantages of travel? For the most part, traveling can greatly benefit our minds and allow us to make new friends. However, there are several downsides worth being considered if you wish to set off on a new journey: costly expenses, loneliness, and fear of missing out on other important events.

First of all, traveling can be expensive. There are a lot of fees you need to cover such as accommodations, food, transportation, etc. if these necessities are not met well, you will have a hard time enjoying your trip. Therefore, in order to have a great trip, you need to make savings, which can take a while.

Another drawback is that you may feel lonely, especially when traveling alone. This is also true even when you travel with friends since you may not see eye to eye on everything, which is exhausting. It is just the nature of traveling.

Finally, embarking on a new journey at whatever reasonable time is likely to make you miss some important events with your family and friends. While you are living a different life, your loved ones and close friends still get on with their lives, which means their milestones such as engagements, weddings, and births may occur without your presence. Thus, you will have to contemplate the cost of traveling and missing out on these memorable events.

In short, while traveling is undoubtedly beneficial, its inconveniences, costly expenses, loneliness, and fear of missing out, should be worth weighing up. These downsides may seem insignificant but they can annoy you no matter how exciting your journey may be.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,397 4385  
Nov 20, 2022   #2
Since the title of the essay implies that the writer should opt to discuss either the benefits or inconveniences of travel, the writer should not have confused the prompt restatement by indicating a partial benefit of travel. It was unnecessary since there is clearly a one opinion discussion instruction provided. Whenever the word OR is presented for opinion making, that indicates a one sided discussion. The writer should never try to present the benefit of the opposing side since that creates an incohesive discussion presentation. The focus should only be on the side that the writer supports. So the presentation of the benefit in this restatement paragraph creates a scoring mark down for the paragraph.

The fact that the writer does not include the benefits in the body of paragraphs also means that the writer understood that this is a one sided opinion paper. Why he misrepresented the prompt restatement is beyond me. He should also never write a rewording using a rhetorical question that will not be dealt with in the body of the presentation. It further added to the C+C problems of the presentation and further lowered the final overall score for the presentation.

By presenting a concluding personal opinion in the concluding statement, the writer further deviates from the TA requirements since this was only a general discussion presentation and not a personal opinion statement. By making a factual personal reference in the end, a prompt deviation was created, leading to a problematic score for this student in the end.
hanablaaaa - / 1 1  
Nov 25, 2022   #3
In the first paragraph, the author asked a question about a related title, but the next 2nd sentence is vague and similar to the question while the 1st one is the opposite. This action makes misunderstandings. Besides, there is no context in the first paragraph.

The second and the paragraphs are basic with few connection phrases. Besides, you should use "face to face" to tell about directed meeting. The meaning of the third paragraph especially the second sentences is complexity.

Turning to the last paragraph, the phrases " a different life" and " without the presence" are confused. By directed mindset, you should rewrite the sentence simple, short and clear.

Generally, paragraphs are also just opinions without specific approvals. The clear construction should be a subject sentence, a approval sentence and two sentences for analyzing.

If need a writing partner, please contact me.


Home / Writing Feedback / Explain the benefits or inconveniences of travel