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Export earnings 2015-2016. IELTS writing task 1

Tdtd10 1 / -  
Jan 24, 2020   #1
Hi everyone,
I'm taking the IELTS and I hope to improve my writing skill. Any reply or feedback of contributing purpose will be very meaningful.


exported product valuation

The chart illustrates the valuation of one country' exported product over the period of a year from 2015 to 2016.
It's immediately obvious that most of the figures rose after a year. Additionally, petroleum products were the most valid ones.
In 2015,exported petroleum products's worth was over 60 billion dollars which made it the most valuable product in the year. The second highest product whose value was just slightly less than the petroleum one is engineered products. Its exportation value was approximately 58 billion dollars. The Value of gem stood lower at relatively 40 billion. Agricultural products valuation was only a half of the petroleum products and the lowest was the textile products.

In 2016, it can be noted that petroleum products experienced a slight increase by 3 percent whereas the engineered products's valuation rose pretty considerably by 8.5 percent . Gem products are the only exported products experienced a small decrease in valuation in this period with a decrease of 5.18 percent. While agricultural products almost stayed the same, the textile ones value significantly rose up to over 30 billion.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,888 2167  
Jan 24, 2020   #2
A better approach to this summary report would have been to use the percentage values as the topic statement for each paragraph. That way, you could have written a more comprehensive comparative report within only 2 paragraphs that always included all of the required information. It would have shown a keener eye for detail and allowed you to create a more appropriate mix of long and short sentences as required by the GRA bracket. Your LR score needs improving as you could not use other similar words to the keywords provided in the graph. Being able to use synonyms will help increase your GRA scores as well. You have spelling errors as well. You used the ownership form of a word when you should have used the plural form (product's (ownership) - products (plural)). You also misused nouns where pronouns were required (ones=one's) and you failed to use a punctuation mark to separate sentences. There are several other correction points in this essay but I feel that it would be too overwhelming for you to hear about at this point. Let's start correcting the simple problems first.
juhuihjijuh 3 / 8  
Jan 24, 2020   #3
I suggest you to search for more model task 1 essays to have a smoother approach in writing. You've taken an excellent step, but there is still space for improvement.

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