Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Export revenues from five different products - IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Two charts - Cambridge 14


momopeach 1 / -  
Mar 28, 2020   #1

Export earnings (2015-2016)



The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category or exports in 2016 compared with 2015.

The bar chart and table give information about a nation's export revenues from five different types of products in 2015 and 2016
It is noticeable that all categories but gems and jewellery experienced an increase in export earnings. Although petroleum dominated the export industry in the mentioned years, the percentage increase was greatest in the textile category.

Export earnings from petroleum products rose from roughly $61 billion to around $63 billion from 2015 to 2016, which was an increase of 3%. Engineered goods also went through an upward trend in export revenues, with an 8,5% percentage increase from approximately $57 billion in 2015 to $61 billion in the next year.

Among the five categories, gems and jewellery was the only one to reveal a downward tendency. Its earnings decreased 5,18% from $43 billion to around $41 billion. Meanwhile, there was a minimal rise of 0,85% in the export value of agriculture products, from $31 billion to as much as $32 billion.

Despite being the smallest income-generating export in the mentioned period, the textile industry went through a 15,24% growth in earnings from $25 billion to almost $31 billion in 2015 and 2016 respectively.




JackieMahamn 3 / 5 4  
Mar 29, 2020   #2
Basically, your essay is complete. I suppose that your essay is quite good as well. I just find one redundant thing which is the initial sentence in paragraph 2 " the bar chart and table ...2015 and 2016". You actually did mentioned this thing in paragraph 1, and there's no need to point it out again.

Hopefully, these feedbacks would be advantageous to your essay.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,989 2700  
Mar 29, 2020   #3
The summary overview is creative but, it is lacking in representation. There are 5 categories represented in both the chart and the bar graph. So what happened to the agricultural and engineered goods growth trend? You should have made sure to complete the trending comparison based on both images . When you write a comparison essay based on several products and two image method representations, you should group the presentation by category. Since this is a 3 paragraph report, the representation, by group should have been:

- Summary overview with trending statement ( you missed out on presenting the measurements used and category listing as shared by the images)
- Petroleum products, engineered goods, agricultural products
- Gems and jewellery, textiles

By discussing the presentation by group, you will easily meet the 3-5 sentence requirement per paragraph and, you will also manage to stay within the 3 paragraph presentation. Both in a concise manner. Right now, the essay uses only 2 sentences per paragraph, with all related thrown into the presentation. It is difficult to follow and remember. By dividing the presentations into clear data sentence presentations, you will create a more coherent presentation.

Overall, this is a good try. The clarity in the sentences are marred by the overabundance of information per sentence. Try to keep it simple. Do the comparative discussion by group to help with your clarity. Using related discussion topics and proper sentence transitions will allow you to do that. Do not just keep enumerating the information. You have to show an understanding of the information through a thorough discussion presentation. It is the discussion and / or analysis of the given measurements that is lacking at the moment.


Home / Writing Feedback / Export revenues from five different products - IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Two charts - Cambridge 14