Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8


IELTS - Exporting is beneficial to people's well-being as they can afford high quality products


zjxhz 5 / 14 2  
Oct 18, 2014   #1
Prompt:
In some countries, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries. To what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problems?

My essay:

Nowadays people consume products, ranging from electronic devices to fruits, not only from their home countries but also from the countries that may be at the other end of the world. It is argued whether exporting goods has more disadvantages than advantages. From my perspective, there are more positive impacts.

Importing goods from one country to another yield several benefits. Firstly, despite of the transportation cost, the prices of imported goods, especially those from developing countries, stay competitive. The main reason is that the countries which export the goods have the professional knowledge and skills to ensure high quality and affordability. For example, China is specialised in producing textile products, resulting in lower prices than the local counterparts in many countries. Moreover, importing products have challenged domestic manufactories by encouraging and intensifying the competition, thereby reducing the prices, which benefit the local consumers as it reduces their costs of living.

On the other hand, overly relying on imported goods lead some domestic industries to underdevelopment or even bankruptcy. This is harmful to a self-contained economy and may trigger massive job cuts. Another problem is that long distance transportation causes serious environmental issues such as air pollution, greenhouse gas emissions which eventually lead to global warming.

In conclusion, importing and exporting goods, as a result of globalisation, is an inevitable trend which is beneficial to people's wellbeing as they can afford high quality products at low costs. Meanwhile, domestic industries should work hard to compete with products from other countries all over the world.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Oct 19, 2014   #2
Nowadays people consume products, ranging from electronic devices to fruits, not only from their home countries but also from the countries that may be at the other end of the world. It is argued whether exporting goods has more disadvantages than advantages. From my perspective, there are more positive impacts.

This is very good introductory statement. However, the last sentence

From my perspective, there are more positive impacts.

seems too common among IELTS essays. If you could, then you'd better rewrite the part so as to prevent being categorized as one of the memorized languages.

Importing goods from one country to another yield several benefits.

This cannot be put as the topic sentence as it adds no value to start your argument.
OP zjxhz 5 / 14 2  
Oct 19, 2014   #3
Thanks @eddies.

...too common among IELTS essays. If you could, then you'd better rewrite the part...

How could I rewrite the last sentence of my first paragraph? I just wanted to simply state my opinion.

This cannot be put as the topic sentence...

I am confused. As in the second paragraph I will be talking about various benefits so the first sentence seems to be a "centre" sentence, isn't it?

Could you please help me with more advices?
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Oct 19, 2014   #4
How could I rewrite the last sentence of my first paragraph?

Please allow me to rewrite for these;

It is argued whether exporting goods has more disadvantages than advantages. From my perspective, there are more positive impacts.

While I believe that exporting goods has merits and demerits, I personally argue that if compared to the negative effects, then this idea has more positive ones, such as competitive prices and quality control systems that meet global standards

Importing goods from one country to another yield several benefits.

I would argue that buyers consuming products made in different countries have opened up global markets that were previously intangible, benefiting the exporting and importing countries. Firstly, ...
OP zjxhz 5 / 14 2  
Oct 19, 2014   #5
Thanks for rewriting, @eddies.

While I believe that exporting goods has merits and demerits, I personally argue that if compared to the negative effects, then this idea has more positive ones...

With all due respect, does this sound wordy? Because the previous sentence has already talked about advantages and disadvantages.

such as competitive prices and quality control systems that meet global standards

Is this a conclusive sentence which we shall put into the last paragraph?

I would argue that buyers consuming products made in different countries have opened up global markets that were previously intangible, benefiting the exporting and importing countries.

OK. I see your point. I should somehow summarize the paragraph by providing more information.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 20, 2014   #6
Firstly, maybe not may be. Secondly, use second person instead of the first person.
OP zjxhz 5 / 14 2  
Oct 21, 2014   #7
@Vns9x thanks!

maybe not may be

According to cambridge dictionary, "may be" can be used as a phrase, try to google it(I'm not allowed to post links here).

use second person instead of the first person

I'm confused with this comment.
maritsanur 5 / 8 2  
Oct 22, 2014   #8
despite of the transportation cost,

I think after despite must be noun directly: despite the transportation cost,...
if you want to use prep "of", it's proper to use in spite of than despite.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS - Exporting is beneficial to people's well-being as they can afford high quality products
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳