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'exposed to the ever-accelerated technology' - ielts : an essay written by myself


zhangxiangwei 1 / 4  
Apr 15, 2012   #1
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?
Have been exposed to the ever-accelerated technology, people have the voice about whether the influence on methods of interaction made by modern technology is a blessing or a curse. Aiming to this disputed issue, though the opinions vary from person to person, I would like to go along with the view that high tech plays a positive role in the changes of communication.

It is widely acknowledged that technical innovations have made earth-shaking conversions in the ways used by people to interact with others. For businesses, widespread use of teleconference makes it possible for enterprises strengthening their relationships with each other and cutting down their cost which used to be spent on business trips. Then in daily life, instead of writing letters and make phone calls, having talks with "face-time", chatting on QQ and mini-blog become the most people's choices. Thanks to all the straightforward brought by technology, far-off man can lighten their home-sick, couples tighten their love even they are departed geographically; strangers get more accesses to make friends worldwide.

However, in the sharp contras, the opponents insist on that technology poses a great deal of inevitable problems. The vivid communicating means make people prefer to interact just in virtual world rather than to have gatherings in real life, which actually weaken the sincerity among friends. But if there were no such a development, could it be sure that the words from speakers are faithful?

In conclusion, technology progress not only provides people with closer link but also present a larger communication arena.

peterc 14 / 52  
Apr 15, 2012   #2
Hi zhangxiangwei,

I believe your essay is too short, especially in the concluding paragraph. I think you could rewrite the last paragraph; otherwise, you would be penalized on insufficient words (250 words).

Hope that it could help!
giorgio186 9 / 54  
Apr 15, 2012   #3
Have been exposed
Being exposed

For businesses, widespread use of teleconference makes it possible for enterprises strengthening their relationships with each other and cutting down their cost which used to be spent on business trips.

to strenghten

Then in daily life, instead of writing letters and make phone calls, having talks with "face-time", chatting on QQ and mini-blog become the most people's choices.

making

strangers get more accesses to make friends worldwide.
foreigners, opportunities

However, in the sharp contrast , the opponents insist on the argument that technology poses a great deal of inevitable problems

The vivid communicating means make people prefer to interact just in virtual world rather than to have gatherings in real life, which actually weakensthe sincerity among friends.

But if there were no such a development, could it be sure that the words from speakers are faithful?
I would put 'were ' instead, I'm not sure, though.

You really have to write some better conclusion.
In judging policies we should consider the results that have been achieved through them rather than the means by which they have been executed.
This said Machiavelli. I believe the same works for means of everything - You cannot accuse technology of changes in people's lives. After all, technology isn't any higher power's intervention. People have made it; so we are to blame, not technology. Maybe, you could make use of this.

Hope it helps.
OP zhangxiangwei 1 / 4  
Apr 16, 2012   #4
thank you so much. i will polish my essay ^^
OP zhangxiangwei 1 / 4  
Apr 16, 2012   #5
thanks for your great patience, what you did for me is just out of my expectation.and your suggestions help me a lot.i will continue to improve my poor writing skills.><
OP zhangxiangwei 1 / 4  
Apr 19, 2012   #6
today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Basking in the glory of unprecedented technology progress, advertising enjoys diversified ways to every family. In the wake of advertising flourish, there is a matter of much contention about its influence on consumption compared to the real need. Some people just point out that publicity instead of demand is the driving force which boosts goods consuming. I can not completely see with this extreme view.

There is no denying that advertisements exert a profound influence on the sales of popular consumer goods. However, this effect which I prefer to be convinced of only increase a great deal of dissatisfied consuming rather than high level of sales.

Therefore, I suppose it is still consumers' needs stimulate consumption.
It seems that goods propagandizing with commercial methods appear more alluring to the public, especially they are endorsing by celebrities. It sounds like reasonable that driving by blind worship of idols as well as exaggerated description of advertisements people make consuming with impulsivity. Nonetheless, given the fact of limitation in finance, what all these factors mentioned above actually do not make a large share in consumer market. Put the situation into extreme, a person, starving to death, once is given a little money which is only enough for bread or a small toy advertised on TV, what will this person choose? The apparently result is sound evident of importance of the real need in the society.

In conclusion, the determinant boosting sales is still social need, and advertising dose make some contribution to the growth. Joint power from both keeps escalating trend of consumption.
peterc 14 / 52  
Apr 20, 2012   #7
Hi zhangxiangwei,

First of all, I'm not sure whether you could put another essay under the same thread...

Anyway I've read this new essay. My first impression is learnt phrases here and there. You could just write it in a simpler way.
OP zhangxiangwei 1 / 4  
Apr 21, 2012   #8
thank you ! i just learned these new worlds and i want to use them. as for the reason why i put another essay into the same thread is that i forgot how to start a new thread.ha,ha^^
peterc 14 / 52  
Apr 22, 2012   #9
Hi zhangxiangwei,

It's okay but just don't make it a habit, otherwise it's even worser than simple english. :)
phyu - / 2  
May 11, 2012   #10
dear xiang wei,
a good essay with newly learnt words/phrases.
but i'd love to suggest you to improve your writing by your own knowledge and words that are familiar to you.
sometimes, even if you're using excellent lexical resources, you will not be given high score as examiners can actually guess your english level. when they find out you're only trying to use words which you don't really know just to make a good essay, they can deduct your scores.

Keep it simple, but try to use complex sentences.
Good luck with your exam!


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