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The extended family less important; 'not bother to contact relatives anymore'


ryutei133 5 / 24  
Sep 5, 2010   #1
Agree or Disagree :The extended family (grandparent, cousin, aunts, and uncles) has become less important in modern society than the past.

Contemporarily, unconditional support and encouragement from a big family play crucial roles in one's life. However, the influence of the extended family on each members has abated in the modern society, due to the longer distance between where they live, less time for them to be together, fewer common topics to talk about when they are reunited, a larger social circle of each one of them and so on. Therefore, as far as I'm concerned, the extended family has become less significant nowadays than the past.

Initially, one's time has been already occupied thoroughly by his work currently, and thereby hardly could he spare some quality time for his big family. Owing to the increasingly intenser competitions among people in the society, it is of essence for a person to concentrate on his study at school and to dedicate his energy and sweat to his career after graduation. Accordingly, he has scarce time to be with his family or even to contact his relatives frequently, which would inevitably weaken the influence of these family members upon his own life. Thus less time for family members to be together or to be in touch with each other gives rise to less influence of the extended family now.

In addition, the number of common topics to talk about when family members are reunited has decreased. In the past, it is common that all family members choose the same job as a traditional family career. But now, since each member in a big family tend to hold his own interest and could decide the direction of his future development more freely than before, there would probably been huge distinctions among the fields each family member is educated in. Hence, fewer common topics could be shared when they fortunately have the opportunity to meet in a reunion, and the younger could no longer consult the senior with the solution or suggestion when they have confusion in their work. The precious help between generations is lost in the extended family, so that the big family is no longer considered as an indispensable part in people's life.

Furthermore, the social circle of each family members has been expanded and thereby the relatives would not be the only group of people a person resorts to help when he needs it. In the current society, one has much more chances to know more people. He would probably develop a great social skill and enlarge his social circle, both of which are of great benefit for his career. As he has more friends to ask for advice or gain assistance at hand, he would not bother to call or e-mail his relatives any more. Consequently, the extended family would likely play a less important role in offering help and consolation, so its influence on people debates as well.

In conclusion, in modern society, the influence of the extended family upon people's life is not as significant as it was in the past.

I'm looking forward to your feedbacks! Thank u~

jems007 5 / 10  
Sep 7, 2010   #2
it is better if you write this in short sentences.
However, the influence of the extended family on each members has abated in the modern society, due to the longer distance between where they live, less time for them to be together, fewer common topics to talk about when they are reunited, a larger social circle of each one of them and so on.

one's time has been already occupied thoroughly by his work currently, and thereby hardly could he spare some quality time for his big family....i didn't understand this..i think you want to say that No one can spare time for their big family due to highly engage in their work...
OP ryutei133 5 / 24  
Sep 7, 2010   #3
it is better if you write this in short sentences.

er...well, I tried but failed...Do u have any ideas about how to express these causes in fewer words?

No one can spare time for their big family due to highly engage in their work

You're right. That's what I mean. Is this sentence misleading? Or too long?

Thank u!! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Sep 7, 2010   #4
Hey, I do not think the sentences are too long. Many TOEFL writers have sentences that are too long, but not you. These sentences are just right. Your grasp of English is advanced, and now all you need to do is weed the garden.

The weeds are the small errors that you don't know about:

Owing to the increasingly intense competition among people in the society, it is of essence for a person

But now, since each member in a big family tends to hold his ...

...e-mail his relatives anymore.

...a less important role in offering help and consolation, so its influence on people is diminished as well.
or you could write..
influence on people is debatable as well. ---- this means that it is easy to debate the idea that it has influence, because the influence is being diminished.

Good job!! We need people like you ate EssayForum to help the english language learners!


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