Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS W2 - To what extent do you agree or disagree too much attention to wild animals and birds.

misaping 1 / 2  
May 31, 2019   #1

Too Many Concerns toward Protecting animals?

Nowadays,it is true that people become more aware of wild animals protection, and man around the world still trying to save those animals are nearly extinction, but in my opinion, I do not think the attention is enough.

For a start, human being is just one of the species exist on the planet, through our infinite expansion, our kind control almost all of the resources, we take lands to develop our communities, building up cities and facilities increase population.Some people forget that there are many other species share lands with us, and human step by step take over their rights to survive. More importantly, if the biosphere break down because the wild animals and birds are continually disappear, it is certainly not only impacts the wild species, but also all of the civilians.

As a matter of fact, the conservation organizations are promote the subjects as much as possible, and the legislation of a country attempt to protect the wild species, but in a invalid propaganda and loosely enforced, the animals in their region still disappearing. Thus, people who care about this issue ought to be more seriously and overwatch where the resources pour to and the laws enforcement, also helping others to understand that wild animals and birds protection is initial and urgent, if they all disappear, I personally do not think human are able to live along in this world.

Finally, the balancing of the biosphere is important, and save it while not too late. Giving a vivid world full of majorities of species to the next generation and last forever.

greynd 3 / 8  
May 31, 2019   #2
Hi misaping,

- First off, you should always include a topic question (comprises of a context, a statement and what it asks you to do). This helps readers to understand and better evaluate your essay.

- This essay lacks an important part: Conclusion. Make sure you have already familiazed yourself with IELTS essay structure (which often includes 4 paragraphs).

- With regard to structuring a body paragraph, it's important to write a concise and meaningful topic sentence . You can elaborate on it later but do not extend as much as possible in this single most crucial sentence (which readers rely on to understand your outline really quickly).
OP misaping 1 / 2  
May 31, 2019   #3
Hello @greynd thank you for the reply,
the essay question is
" Some people argue that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree? "

and may I ask you some examples for topic sentence in this essay?
Thank you for the help:)
Maria [Contributor] - / 1,036 372  
May 31, 2019   #4
Hi there!

First and foremost, it is critical that you maintain an academic tone when you are writing. Doing this will enable you to have a more formal approach to writing. What this pertains to would be using conventional writing strategies, ensuring that you do not merely ramble on as you are writing.

Secondly, watch the way that you transition between your sentences. A more organic transition would be preferred rather than using too many transition words that would not benefit your essay in the long-run. Remember that when you are confined to work with word counts, it is essential that you capitalize on the space you have through engaging in the most optimal way possible.

Third, be cautious of the forms of your words/phrases. If you aren't, you'll end up having inconsistent terminologies sprinkled throughout. It would be better if you can have more consistency in your language as this is more academically appropriate.

Lastly, when it comes to the structure of your sentences, it is crucial to abide by the conventional practices. If you cannot, you'll lose sight of the fundamental rules of academic writing.

Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck as always!
OP misaping 1 / 2  
Jun 1, 2019   #5
Hello, thank you for your correction!

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS W2 - To what extent do you agree or disagree too much attention to wild animals and birds.