this is my essay:). i wrote this a month ago:d
A report in Global Education Rating states that schools which give adequate fund to student's sports and social activities get higher rank than others. This evidence proves that it is better for universities and schools to give the same funding support to students' extracurriculars. It also supports my belief that extracurricular activities bring various benifit to both students and the universites themselves.
Firstly, If a university invests as much money in extracurriculars as in its classes and libraries, It will graduate well-rounded students, which is the goal of every university. Students do not go to school just for learning things in the textbooks. While improving their minds, they can also improve their social life by extracurricular activities in school. For example, they need to have access to athletic facilities to take care of their bodies, social activities provide co-operating skill and fulfil their interests. Furthermore, these activities not only reduce their stress after learning in classes but also help to discover students' talent. Having active and social lives increases overall quaility of their life.
Secondly, giving enough funding to extracurriculars also enhances the university's reputation and makes it more appealing to better students. For examples, Microwave, a famous rock band in nation university of Vietnam, gains positive attentions from high school students. These nonacademic groups help to attract better students who are intersted in not only academics but also in school's other activities. As a result,the quality of undergraduates will rise and make the college a better and attractive place itself.
In conclusion, It is very important to give equal funds to academics and extracurriculars. Sports and social activities help college and university graduate active students, also these enhance the college's reputation and attract better students by famous sports teams or nonacademic achievements.
...adequate funding to students' sports and ...
.. various benefits to ...
both students and the universites universities themselves.
Firstly, If if a university invests as much money in extracurriculars as in its classes and libraries, It will graduate well-rounded students, which is the goal of every university. Students do not go to school just for learning things in the textbooks. While improving their minds, they can also improve their social life lives by participating in extracurricular activities in school. For example, they need to have ...
use a spell checker. fulfil fulfill
You have some excellent sentences! I think you should work on the rule called number agreement. For example, at the end you should write, "Sports and social activities help colleges and universities to graduate active students, and also these..." (Number agreement means that you put singular with singular and plural with plural. A student has a social life, but students have social lives.
