Dear Andreawqh :)
I understand why your teacher only rated you FAIR :) Just take a look at some points here:
This current world we situate ourselves in is rather unpredictable, even one sudden invention could bring down all the notions we used to bear in mind. Most of us
hashave endeavored to keep up with the fast pace of the development ofin today's world in fast pace. I personally believe that even when fast pace may be the wise move to correspond with today's world.rapid changes However, it might not be the most beneficial move to our society.
Primarily, even when the world operates in fast pace, it still requires accuracy. Even simple issues in our daily life like homework require accuracy. If we rush through the work by taking risk of making mistakes, we are actually making zero effort going through our study roughly only for the purpose of
fill in before thefighting deadline. In short, it only fulfills the work itself which is rather worthless. It is our capability of work that we should improve rather than holding the belief in completing it. Certainly it may take time to keep up with the others if we need to review our work multiple times, but with consistent work soon enough we'll be able to bring up our speed in completion of workwork completion .
Secondly, other than the importance of accuracy, the world also seeks efficiency, which concludes both minimum time completion and also criterion of quality. Even when we have managed to keep up with the pace by neglecting the details of a project and only aim for a general frame
of the project , this will not be something satisfysatisfactory for the company and clients. We soon will be out of the picture even when we keep up with the pace since when the problem reveals itself we'll have to go back and fix the mistakes we have made . This might be even more costly and time consuming than a neat completion of work at the start.
Besides, when looking at this problem within a broader image, s ome work cannot tolerate any mistakes at all, for instance, in official missions
like the work done by NASA, a tiny mistake can be catastrophic. A miscalculation of the orbit in launching rocket may lead to a failure of the whole project which might worth trillions of dollars. In such circumstances, even when the scientists want to finish off quickly, but they couldn't miss even a single part of the mission since it may trigger loads of problems.
1. Your vocabulary is a bit week :) You repeated too much: "accuracy, pace, world, completion, mistakes" which bores any audiences. You should replace them with more academic words to impress your teacher :)
2. You tend to explain and list out reasons rather than proving yourself ( note the 1st body paragraph). Therefore your essay is not convincing and coherent enough.
3. You tend to use too simple sentences. Linking them to make them more complex is the better way to gain some marks :D
Hope I can help :)