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Facebook, Twitter etcetera. What have they done to our society as a whole?

PeterBrown 16 / 25 6  
Feb 11, 2018   #1
Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals & Society. To what extent do you agree?

the consequences of using social networking sites

In the tech-savvy era, it is an irrefutable fact that sites like Facebook, Twitter etcetera have impacted the society and people within it in a negative way. In fact, this phenomenon takes place without the people knowing it. Therefore, I completely agree with the statement above claiming that social networking sites have had a detrimental impact on the society and its people for two reasons: a detached society and obesity.

To commence with, such sites have encouraged people to socialize much less with individuals around them compared to the past where people used to interact with one another face to face. This has resulted in the society being less close and intimate. By way of illustration, most of the individual people on the train prefer to communicate with other people through their phones rather than face to face.

Furthermore, excessive and inappropriate use of social networking sites by many people, especially schoolgoing children, promotes the development of obesity which can result in death in certain cases. This is understandable, because they are not required to go out with their friends or acquaintances to satisfy their social needs; they can always sit at home and interact with their peers online. For instance, according to the latest study at the University of Sydney, an increasing number of people develop obesity and this can be attributed to excess social networking sites usage.

Having discussed the fatal consequences of using social networking sites, it can be concluded that these sites indeed have had a devastating impact on the human beings and their society. It can result in a detached society where no one talks to one another and obesity. Consequently, I strongly agree with the statement regarding how social networking sites have given rise to negative impacts on our society and individuals.

Khristiie_xx 2 / 2 1  
Feb 11, 2018   #2
"promotes the development of obesity which can result in death in certain cases"...what exactly are you trying to point out because I don't quite understand this statement. You could talk about how cyber bullying which has increased the rate of suicide is over the years.
Phuong Cao - / 4  
Feb 13, 2018   #3
Hi guy,
I think your essay is great, providing me with useful vocabulary and expression.
- I think your introduction is overlength, which may make you lack of time to write the bodies when you're sitting for the IELTS test. For me, the sentence "In fact, this phenomenon takes place ..." is not really necessary.

- Several words you used is redundant: "Individual people" -> "individuals" is OK. Several sentences you used can be shortened: "such sites have encouraged people to ..." -> "lack of interactions, compared with the past seems to be the major negative impact of such sites".

- I think your second main idea is not wide enough. As a pharmacy student, I have some information about this and I knew that obesity is only one specific consequence. I recommend you to rewrite this body, using the information about "sedentary lifestyle", leading to many severe health consequences, such as obesity, diabetes, or metabolism disorder.
inderGTR 2 / 3  
Feb 18, 2018   #4
Hello @PeterBrown. Contemplating the essay I sense, you have had a little or no time left in the 20 minute period sanctioned for an IELTS task and therefore assume the lack of thorough revaluation on your part. But however I recognize the effort put into the article and I appreciate that. There only are two complications that limit this essay from its full potential.

1. You are trying too hard to seem scholarly. Keep it simple Normal vocab never hurt anyone. Being a sesquipedalian does not help in IELTS
2. Use didactic format.

God speed.
OP PeterBrown 16 / 25 6  
Feb 18, 2018   #5
Thanks for your feedback could you elaborate it by giving me some examples?
I would really appreciate your help!

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