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IELTS TASK 2: factor of choosing a career.


Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
May 12, 2014   #1
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In many societies, choice of a job depends on the size of the salary offered. Nevertheless, while I admit that the salary is very pivotal factor, I claim that there are other equally vital aspects that need to be considered in this regard.

To begin with, I agree that in order for people to cover their daily and general needs they need money as well. However, aspects such as: friendly colleagues, environment and work-place condition, sometimes, have even more impact on person's happiness and quality of life. People, for instance, who don't like their co-workers and working condition are considered less satisfied with their jobs, despite of a high salary. In this sense, it is also one very salient proof of the accuracy of my position.

Further and even more importantly, most of the satisfaction of a job comes to people from their professional achievements, skills and the position they reach. In other words, career promotion or getting some kind of credit from the administration of a company or organization are, likely, more enjoyable achievements than getting a high salary. For example, people, who work in monotonous jobs, where no achievements or a new positions can be reached feel themselves more dissatisfied, even though they have a very good salaries.

In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that salary outweighs any other motivators, as there are other even more important aspects such as: friendly co-workers, working conditions and professional achievements.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 12, 2014   #2
In many societies, choice of a job depends on the size of the salary offered.

.... well, the salary is more or less a personal choice than a societal one. So, I suggest you to present this idea a little bit differently;

For many people, the choice of career depends on the remuneration package it offers.

In many societies, choice of a job depends on the size of the salary offered. Nevertheless, while I admit that the salary is very pivotal factor, I claim that there are other equally vital aspects that need to be considered in this regard.

... good approach :)
To begin with, I agree that in order for people to cover their the daily and general needs of people, they need money as well.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 12, 2014   #3
However, aspects such as (no :) friendly colleagues, work environment and work-place condition,interest in the job sometimes (no ,) have even more impact on person's happiness and quality of life.

People, for instance, who don't like their co-workers and working condition are considered less satisfied with their jobs, despite of a high salary. In this sense, it is also one very salient proof of the accuracy of my position.

.... here you can easily give a more specific example. Talk about a person who gets well paid but works for a terrible boss who makes sure that he stays late everyday. :D
fikri 5 / 317 71  
May 12, 2014   #4
For example, people, who work in monotonous jobs, where no achievements or a new positions can be reached feel themselves more dissatisfied, even though they have a very good salaries.

you put too many commas here
OP Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
May 14, 2014   #5
Very few feedbacks I am getting from EF:(((
Thank you Pahan, dumi and fikri))
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 19, 2014   #6
... lol, having got three comments, you cannot really complain as there are some users whose threads just wait without any response :D
You are a lucky guy in that sens :D

To begin with, I agree that in order for people to cover their daily and general needs they need money as well

Your opinion should be expressed clearly in your introduction. And thereafter you should repeat it in the body paras. However, you should reinstate it in the Conclusion :)
SalMon 27 / 114 10  
May 20, 2014   #7
In many societies, choice of a job depends on the size of the salary offered. Nevertheless, while I admit that the salary is very pivotal factor, I claim that there are other equally vital aspects that need to be considered in this regard.

In my opinion, you should write: Nevertheless , while I admit that the salary is very pivotal factor, I claim that there are other equally vital aspects that need to be considered in this regard. or Nevertheless, there are still other equally vital aspects that need to be considered in this regard.

.
And like fikri, I agree that not only that sentence but your essay has too many commas, don't you think?
KMeghji 8 / 20 7  
May 20, 2014   #8
on the size

*on size of (better rephrase this part of the sentence)

it is also one very salient proof of the accuracy of my position

If the question is only asking your position, do not defend it in words. Only give appropriate reasons and let them be the judge of your accuracy.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 20, 2014   #9
Further and even more importantly, most of the satisfaction of a job comes to people from their professional achievements, skills and the position they reach. In other words, career promotion or getting some kind of credit from the administration of a company or organization are, likely, more enjoyable achievements than getting a high salary.

This sentence is pretty long. When you write longer sentences, the reader has to keep memorizing the details which would not please him. So he would not take much interest to follow your essay. Therefore it is not very wise to write very long sentences. You need to impress your examiner and therefore give the guy less work if you are keen on earning good marks from him :D


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