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Which factor is important to stop the poverty and hunger in a country.


frenchfries 7 / 18  
Apr 6, 2017   #1
Topic: Some people think that economic growth is the only way to stop the poverty and hunger. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? (write approximately 300 words)

Solutions to curb the poverty and starvation



It is believed that only economic progress can put a stop to the poverty and hunger. From my perspective, I disagree with this point of view. As far as I am concerned, there are many factors, which are more decisive and vital than economic development, can give rise to the decrease of the poverty and hunger in a country.

First of all, In order to make a country become wealthier, an out-standing education system is a key factor. As we all know, education provides people many useful skills to develop and become talented. For instance, people are taught numerous moral lessons, which deters them from committing the crimes, and therefore become good residents for the societies. Additionally, well-educated people are also equipped with specialized knowledge. With know-how they have gained, people such as workers, doctors or engineers will have abilities to work efficiently as well as make great contributions to their countries.

Another criterion to curb the poverty and starvation is the authority's policies. It is inevitable that the government's decisions will have tremendous impacts on the developments of the country. The authority's orders and plans are much more important than economic progress, simply because the leaders' strategies will lay the foundations for the nation's growth. If those in control focus on solving the starvation and allocating national budgets on supporting people who from low socio-economic background, the poverty and hunger will certainly decline. It is obvious that the authority is the root of every nation. The positive contributions of the responsible leaders will, therefore, lead to the country's prosperity and set a limit on hunger and poverty rate.

All in all, even though economic growth is crucial to the development of a nation, I personally think that an excellent education system and the responsible government are much more important in reducing the poverty and hunger.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,847 2634  
Apr 6, 2017   #2
Hi Linh, I think that you can easily score a 6 with this essay. I base that score upon the method by which you presented the paraphrased opening statement and the overall discussion presentation. You were able to develop acceptable discussions that, although sometimes flawed, produced some cohesive and coherent paragraphs in support of your statement. There are some notable mistakes in your evidence presentation though. One instance of faulty evidence is your use of the term "moral lesson". A moral lesson is not something that is taught in school. That lesson is learned through life experience. So a school education is not really something that should be related to such a reference. This is a minimal mistake that is made by those who are native English speakers. However, the sense of what you are trying to imply can be clearly seen so the reader was not stressed out in trying to understand what you are trying to say.

Your conclusion should have been presented in individual sentence forms instead of the continuous sentence presentation seen here. Remember, you need at least 3 sentences to qualify what you have written as a complete paragraph. Minimal mark downs will be made in the scoring for these types of simple mistakes.

The discussion overall is strong with some minimal faults in sentence development, evidence presentation, and grammar inaccuracies. At the same time, you have also shown marked development in your essay writing skills. So I am very proud of your accomplishments in that field. I hope to continuously monitor and see your writing improvements over the coming days. You are slowly becoming better prepared to take the test.
Sajeemaka 1 / 2  
Apr 6, 2017   #3
@frenchfries
Hi,

I think in your conclusion part it is best to start with " To conclude or To sum up" so it is easy for the examiner to find out the conclusion as well it is more academic.
OP frenchfries 7 / 18  
Apr 6, 2017   #4
@Holt thank you so much Holt, your comments have helped me too much.


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