The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time.
What are the causes of this continued rise?
Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
The population of human being growth increase every year, and it is included one of the problem which faced by communities in this era. The factors which affect population increment are good health care, promiscuity, government's role and the people believe. I disagree that the rising population in the world is the biggest humanity problem.
There is no doubt that there are several causes of the high number of population. Firstly, the number of medical profession and the equipment are increase rapidly. The proper health care will reduce the rate of human deaths, because people live longer than before. Secondly, the promiscuity especially does by many western people who do it before marriage. Promiscuity has impact on the raising level of baby birth. While the government has a role to limit the natality by family planning programmes, the communities' should obey the government.
The high number of population which continued to rise will lead to big problem, such as unemployment, poverty, high crime rate. It is not the biggest humanity problem. Because, the problems still can be finished by government and the society by the rule which has been made by government and the community has to obey with it. Besides that, the government has to provide jobs for unemployment.
To sum up, although the high number of population is included the problem for society, I believe that the biggest humanity problem is civil war, because it disobeys the human right. I suggest that the United Nations has to tackle this problem for making the peaceful of world.
Hello friends, I have read your essay and here is my mark for your consideration.
1st paragraph:
The population of human being growth increase every year ... [Population growth rate increase every year / The growth rate of human population increase every year]
... it is included one of the problem which faced by... [it is considered as one of some problems which are faced by...]
... and the people believe.[and the community's beliefs]
I disagree that the rising population in the world is the biggest humanity problem.[Although it is true that this issue is serious, I totally disagree with common perspective which assumed that it is the greatest humanity problem. ]
the number of medical profession.... [...the number of medical professionals...]
2nd paragraph
... reduce the rate of human deaths, [... reduce the rate of morbidity]
...the promiscuity especially does by many western people who do it before marriage. [...promiscuity before marriage gains more approval by society nowadays, especially in western countries.]
Promiscuity has impact on the raising level of baby birth.[As an impact, there has been a remarkable rise in the number of newborn.]
3rd paragraph
The high number of population which continued to rise will lead to big problem,... [the huge number of population which rise continuously will leads to big problems...]
It is not the biggest humanity problem. Because, the problems still can be finished by government and the society by the rule which has been made by government and the community has to obey with it. [(for coherence) However, it is .... because the problems still can be tackled by the government and society. By making laws towards population growth, the government possibbly reduce this issue. It will not work if society does not obey the rules so that collaboration between those two groups is extremely significant.]
Besides that, the government has to provide jobs for unemployment. [add explanation, supporting clause/sentences]
4th paragraph
To sum up, although the high number of population is included the problem for society, ... [although it is evident that the rise of population growth rate is troublesome,...]
I believe that the biggest humanity problem is civil war, because it disobeys the human right.[irrelevant to your body paragraph, a conclusion have to be a sum of your entire writing. Yours do not mention "civil war". I suggest to put this sentence as your opinion, not the sum. For conclusion, just extract main idea of your paragraph.]
I suggest that the United Nations has to tackle this problem for making the peaceful of world. [irrelevant, your writing is about population growth rate, not about peace.]
I hope it is helpful for your next writing :)
