Factors when choosing a job
The idea is that salary is the priority when people choose a job. In my opinion, salary is essential, however, there are some other factors that should be considered before applying for a job.
On the one hand, people try their best to make more money to improve their personal life. the higher the salary they earn, the better living standard they have. With a satisfactory level of wages, employees can have enough money for regular payments such as house rent, car, gas, electricity invoice or luxury trips on vacations. Besides, salary is also a motivation for showing employee's better performance at work. People become more productive when employers give them perks or salary increase policies.
On the other hand, besides salary, job consideration must consist of two other factors. Firstly, job satisfaction is very important when choosing a job. People doing jobs with high salaries but lack passion and pleasure are often easy under a lot of pressure. This may lead to serious problems with their physical and mental health in the long term. Secondly, people should consider the development opportunities they can get from their job. With high positions in the company, people can receive high salaries and attractive benefit packages which boost them to work harder to be better versions of themself.
In conclusion, while I accept that salary is a must-have factor when people seek a job, I believe that others should be considered for getting ideal occupations.
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The main reason that this essay will receive a failing score is that the writer delivered less than the required 250 words. At only 240+ words, there will be corresponding task accuracy percentage score deduction. These deductions will be applied to the pre-scoring section so the essay will start receiving scores for the other sections from a handicap. The essay will have to overcome the failing score it was already given which, based on the remaining errors that I see in this presentation, will not be insurmountable in the end.
The expected discussion format was to be based on an extent response to the agree or disagree question. The writer did not provide the correct response to the question, which led to an incorrect overall discussion presentation as well. So these mistakes will show that the writer did not understand the discussion instructions. This will lead to an incorrect presentation which will result in a failing C+C score as well. So the only portion that the writer might get a passing score in are the LR and GRA sections. However, he did not do very well in those sections either so it will not help increase the score from failing either.
It will be best for the writer to review the available examples for these discussion types that are available at this forum. Learn how to approach the essay properly based on lessons that can be learned from his personal mistakes and the mistakes of others. I find that students learn best that way. They get a better insight with regards to the essay discussion expectations and scoring considerations.
I believe the writing would benefit from examples, whether it be personal experiences or those from others. The second paragraph is supposed to explore factors other than salary, but the writer shifts back to salary when talking about development opportunities.
This is my humble opinion.
Since you have a limited amount of words to write the essay, I believe you should remove extra information that doesn't add anything to the essay. Overall the write-up is good.
boost them to work harder -> (collocational problems)
to be better versions of