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IELTS: What are the factors and strategies of a worldwide issue: fresh water limitation?

ZeldaDoan 1 / -  
Apr 18, 2019   #1

Water: A Limited Resource?

Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem.

What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

It is known that several areas in the world could not have adequately amount of water for standard living requirement. This situation becomes more critical nowadays, when the population increases and needs more fresh water, which followed by the impaction from human activities. In order to have good solution to settle this disaster down in all countries, not only the political leaders but also every person has to come up with suitable countermeasures to preventing this problem from any further worsening.

Firstly, one of the reasons is the explosion of global population, especially in the developing countries in some parts of Asia and majority of Africa, where also are having a huge amount of people cannot access to fresh water sources. Moreover, as the population is increasing, more people lose their consciousness of keeping the water clean and fresh as rubbish and usage trash are spilled into any nearby water supply; therefore, people can access to even less amount of fresh water than they are used to. Finally, as in many countries around the world where fresh water is rich and widely access, people do not realize how vulnerable it is, as a result, they waste a huge amount of fresh water during daily household usage.

Even though this issue is already globalized, every nation needs to authorize on their country by coming up with some strategies, in order to prevent this issue becomes any worse in the future. One of the solutions the government can make is releasing a legislation that states the legally acceptable number of kids one family can have and also states a severe fine for any spilled trash into any fresh water sources. For every individual in the world to take responsibility on this problem, people should reduce any possible chances of wasting water and have a good measure on amount of water they use each time in daily life. Also, any decisions that will pollute the water supply must be considered and refrained.

In conclusion, limitation of fresh water around the world has become a huge global issue since the factors from population expansion and unconscious human activities. Therefore, it leads to international's authority on preventing this problem becomes any worse in the future, who are both the nations' governments and each individual in the world.

Hammy 13 / 35  
Apr 18, 2019   #2
firstly, i suggest you should not mention any cause at the introduction as ''when the population increases ... '' because when you explain your point at the second paragraph, readers see repeat.

the second, i have confusion when i read to ''releasing a legislation that ...''. as i think, the main point in this sentence is 'number of kids one family' instead of people's activities.

hope that my comments can help you a little
Maria [Contributor] - / 1,047 372  
Apr 18, 2019   #3
In terms of content, I can see how you have substantiated your key points fluidly. The readers would definitely appreciate how you have managed to do this. I do have a couple of recommendations that I think would benefit your essay when it comes to the technicalities (grammar, composition, structure) of your essay. While you have sufficient grasp of the English language, the structure can be quite baffling at times.

I recommend that you try to evade using sentence structures that are quite lengthy. This is especially when you have two to three clauses crammed into a single sentence. Not only is this dragging to consume for the readers, but it also creates a distance between the meaning and the tone of your essay. To make your essays more concise, stick to using straightforward language and words. Doing this can enhance your essay's composition by a mile.

Let's take your second paragraph as an example. I would revise the first line as:
Firstly, there is a need to have an in-depth discussion about the surge of global population. In developing Asian and African countries, a good percentage of the people do not have access to fresh water.

Notice how I had done three key things here. Firstly, I ensured that I divided your sentence into two separate ones to make the utterance and flow better. Secondly, I had also shifted the phrasing from developing countries in some parts of Asia and majority of Africa into simply developing Asian and African countries. This can help you create more concise language, eliminating unnecessary fractions of the text. Thirdly, I had also tried to use more formal phrases to give your text leverage. For instance, I mentioned a good percentage instead of a huge amount. While the latter is acceptable, the former appears to be more academically tuned.

I recommend that you try to structure your composition this way; and you will be able to relay your message and meaning clearer to the readers.

Best of luck.

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