Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Factory farming food. Your opinion about what it's better to eat.


Bobur 5 / 29  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
IELTS (writing task 2): It is better to eat food which is produced locally by small farmers, rather than food produced by "factory farming" and transported long distances.

Guys, please help me with more sophisticated ideas and grammar as well. Thanks in advance =)

In the age, when wide variety of foods are available, many people prefer consuming food manufactured locally to mass produced, exported food. In this essay I will give my opinion towards this decision.

First of all, products, especially foods produced by a local farmer from a neighborhood are usually fresh, whereas exported goods are always experience a long-distance route, which probably worsens their quality. Quite often, people suffer from low qualitative foods, as a consequence they get ill. This will provoke awareness and people will make sure that they are eating safe and fresh food. Moreover, if to think more specifically, their decision to consume locally produced food can lead to the economic development of that area. Farmers and manufacturers will be encouraged to produce more goods and will have resources to improve the quality.

On the other hand, I think mass-products go through serious inspections, because many people will use these products, and foods are not an exception. Before exporting and receiving "factory farming" foods they test them on safety and check for freshness. Another thing to mention is that foods in enormous amounts are usually cheaper than locally generated ones. As to long distance travel of factory foods, I could say that nowadays, with the implementation of advanced technologies, transporting goods is very unlikely will deteriorate their quality. For example, huge fridges are installed on the trucks and ships, which guarantee the initial appearance of food.

To summarize, I have an impression that buying and eating local foods is good when determining their quality, whereas people with strong consideration about the costs will most probably prefer factory made foods. Besides, products from factory are available all year round.

280 words ( 50minutes )

Smity28 1 / 2  
Dec 28, 2010   #2
In the age, when wide variety of foods are available, many people prefer consuming food manufactured locally to mass produced, exported food. In this essay I will give my opinion towards this decision.

Never start off an essay this way. The reader already knows what your writing about if the prompt is provided. If it isn't, then your first sentence should be a thesis that takes a stand on the issue.

First of all, products, especially foods produced by a local farmer from a neighborhood are usually fresh, whereas exported goods are always experience a long-distance route, which probablytake a point of view and stick to it. be sure of yourself. worsens their quality. Quite often, people suffer from low qualitative y foods, and as a consequence they get ill. This will provokes awareness andin people and will make sure that they are eating safe and fresh food. Moreover, if to think more specifically, their decision to consume locally produced food can lead to the economic development of that area. Farmers and manufacturers will be encouraged to produce more goods and will have resources to improve the quality.

On the other hand, I think mass-produced products go through serious inspections,because many people will use these products, and foods are not an exception. Before exporting and receiving "factory farming" foods, they test them for safety and freshness. Another thing to mention is that food in enormous amounts is also usually cheaper than the locally grown varietygenerated ones . As to the long distance travel of factory foods, I could say that nowadays,that with the implementation of advanced technologies, transporting goods is very unlikelyrarely will result in the deteriorateion of their quality. For example, huge fridges are installed on the trucks and ships, which guarantee the initial appearance of food.

You really need to pick a side. Jumping back and forth doesn't flow well.

To summarize, I have an impression that buying and eating local foods is good when determining their quality, whereas people with strong consideration about the costs will most probably prefer factory made foods. Besides, products from factory are available all year round. 280 words ( 50minutes )

Hope this helped
OP Bobur 5 / 29  
Dec 29, 2010   #3
Thanks a lot Brett Smith. Your suggestions are helpful. I did not even though that i was making such kind of mistakes. In IELTS a candidate is to give short introduction by paraphrasing the prompt.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 12, 2011   #4
Did you notice what Smitty was trying to do with the word qualitative? I think it might be unclear... Smity crossed out everything except the y, so it should be "quality." Great job, Smitty! I just wanted to clarify that.

You should not end with this sentence: Besides, products from factory are available all year round.---This should be a paragraph topic sentence, because it is a distinct idea. It should be the first sentence of a paragraph, and the rest of the paragraph should be used to explain what you mean. It should be the topic sentence of a body paragraph.

Also, I want to mention that "factory farming" is notorious for immoral treatment of animals. Therefore, the reader probably expects that you will include some mention of the morality of supporting factory farms. Look for a youtube video about a factory farm, and you will see what I mean.

:-)
OP Bobur 5 / 29  
Jan 12, 2011   #5
Thank youuuu )) At last i had my essays checked ... Nice people


Home / Writing Feedback / Factory farming food. Your opinion about what it's better to eat.