Its really decent attempt and there is a strong potential in the essay.
Your good point's...
1) Good personal touch. Here is something that connects you to the essay.
2)English is impressive and clean. There is a nice subtle writing style you have got, which is really good.
Pts. needed to be worked on....
1. Conclusion is not good. It is abrupt and jerky.
2.
Their only daughter who was born normal become an Attention Hyperactivity
Not become but became.
3. How's this... you can use this for an idea.
We need to reflect back in our lives and judge our priorities. When was last time, we sat with our family with a cup of coffee, spending some quality time? Did I take the children for outing this week?
You can just add some flavor to the essay with some soul-searching statements/ questions or anything that has a warm feeling. Your essay lacks a positive outlook to life and remember these essays are used to judge your character. Think back and write without inhibitions, forget the word limit because editing is very easy. Lets just see what all we can accumulate here.
Cheers. Hope this helps and post the essay up soon.