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FAILED MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE; What are the causes of such separation?


shofa_nefertete 12 / 35  
Sep 22, 2010   #1
QUESTION: More families are separated due to divorce and failed marriages. What are the causes of such separation? How does it affect the family and the society?

Countless homes are broken and more marital knots are loosened and untied as divorce is deemed legal and problematic marriage is seemingly becoming an accepted culture. Lesser family time and infidelity have been the screeching pandemonium reverberating to the immediate family and society as a whole.

Primarily, couples have been bombarded with hectic and scurrying schedules minimizing the time allotted for family. More often than not, parents become breadwinners to unstoppable demands for family's commodities and satisfaction even to the point of liquidating the equality of expenditures shouldered for the family. Conflicts and misunderstanding breed instantly thus creating shaky relationships or worst it will result to divorce. Aside from that, lust and infidelity bloom on both partner since one cannot or might not fully suffice the carnal pleasure of the other half which leads to further demise and betrayal to the once blessed matrimony. As fiery words are exchanged, physical and verbal abuses would like to occur while children are listening to the deafening sounds of profanity, cursing, and hatred on both sides of the fence. More and more children become psychologically disturbed and emotionally hungry for parental love. Thus, in effect these children are mutating into vicious replica of their cynical guardian creating more broken homes and more criminals with anti-social behavior on streets. We have turned the bright future of an innocent child into a wasted human potential for such selfishness and violence.

A brilliant case in good point would be the fate of my Uncle and Aunt who is now living in the borders of United States. They have been busy mowing the greener pastures and work harder until the wee hours of the morning. At first they are like romantic lovebirds caressing each other's need, however everything changed when my uncle had another woman as jealousy and betrayal morphed these lovebirds into hideous vultures gnawing each other. Their only daughter who was born normal become an Attention Hyperactivity Disorder candidate and his son who is once an honor student flunk his grades in high school because of familial negligence and divorce. This has been a common plot among American stories and even sorry tales across the globe that turns a modest family into a despicable society. This clearly indicates that failed marriage and divorce has been building negative ripples to both family and society.

Some people might view divorce as an instant panacea to all the emotional distress, but such legitimate act cannot break the promise made by both couples in front of God and no other break-up words can separate the two hearts that ultimately become one until death as they exchanged vows.

In culmination, if people continue to let their egos bloat and infidelity reign among couples and families, then we have just created more families of disgust in a society full of vulnerability and violence. For once, we must learn to listen to the voices of innocence echoed in every child's heart. (490 words)

donrocks 5 / 120  
Sep 22, 2010   #2
Its really decent attempt and there is a strong potential in the essay.
Your good point's...
1) Good personal touch. Here is something that connects you to the essay.
2)English is impressive and clean. There is a nice subtle writing style you have got, which is really good.
Pts. needed to be worked on....
1. Conclusion is not good. It is abrupt and jerky.
2.

Their only daughter who was born normal become an Attention Hyperactivity

Not become but became.
3. How's this... you can use this for an idea.
We need to reflect back in our lives and judge our priorities. When was last time, we sat with our family with a cup of coffee, spending some quality time? Did I take the children for outing this week?

You can just add some flavor to the essay with some soul-searching statements/ questions or anything that has a warm feeling. Your essay lacks a positive outlook to life and remember these essays are used to judge your character. Think back and write without inhibitions, forget the word limit because editing is very easy. Lets just see what all we can accumulate here.

Cheers. Hope this helps and post the essay up soon.
OP shofa_nefertete 12 / 35  
Sep 22, 2010   #3
thank you so much. I really appreciate your comments. This is a good review.
donrocks 5 / 120  
Sep 23, 2010   #4
Post up the second draft soon.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Sep 25, 2010   #5
Aside from that, lust and infidelity bloom on both partners since one cannot or might not fully suffice as satisfaction for the carnal pleasure of the other half, which leads to further demise and betrayal to the once blessed matrimony.

... fate of my Uncle and Aunt who are is now living in the borders of United States. They have been busy ...

At first they were like romantic lovebirds...

This clearly indicates that failed marriage and divorce have been building negative ripples to both family and society.
I am impressed by the complexity of your writing. You are talented! I like this essay as much as the death penalty essay.


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