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"Failure is necessary for education to take place?" - grade my essay


Mizo Metallic 2 / 9  
May 13, 2010   #1
HI everyone... this is my first time to write my essay online and I want to grade it and leave your comments. thanks alot :D...

Essay Prompt:
The novelist John Hersey said, " Learning starts with failure; the first failure is the beginning of education"

ASSIGNMENT: what are your thoughts on the idea that failure is necessary for education to take place?

My Response:

There is quote which Denis Whitley says, " Forget about your consequence of failure. Failure is a temporary change in direction to set your straight for your next success". No one can deny that failure is an ordinary serpent chasing us everywhere in our life; however, it plays a vital role in our life and society . It forms our character from A to Z. Consequently, I certainly agree without hesitation that failure is the beginning of education and success.

As every thing in our nature, man is formed to develop in on going process trial and error. being fathom or unfathomed, we all learn from our mistake. For instance, my practicing for acing the SAT.

I was at first lazy and treated the SAT with indifference until I got on my first test in may a score of 1000. When I knew about the score, I drown in a gray, somber, tranquility world full of lugubrious, doleful and despair when all my friends got higher scores than me. Thus, I took it seriously and began to scan about my mistakes and corrected it; I began to work hard practiced a lot in order to get a higher score to enter my university and finally I got a score of 1750 on my last test. So, success comes out from identifying our mistakes and corrected it.

another example of a famous scientific man, who isolated himself from the others in order to invent our vital source of our life the electricity, is Thomas Edison. Thomas Edison invented the first electric bulb after trying 1000 times. at a conference, he was accosted by a reporter " Did you give up hope after 999 failed tries?" He answered, as he took the Nobel price, " The 999 times fails i made it was learning from the previous try until I made it successfully in the 1000's try"

Next, a historical figure who used the process of errors and and success of other in order to built the greatest kingdom was Napoleon Bonaparte. He learned all he knew from books and after a while, he was a master in belligerent art of war. Hence, the first time he went to the battlefield he won. In this case, Napoleon replied on his failures he made it and success of his ancestors to sharpen his own skills and to became the emperor of France.

AT last, we can sum all our points that before success came in our life, be sure to meet some temporary defeat and also failures. you must learn from your mistakes in order to achieve your goal and became an eminent among people. that is exactly what majority did.
cbsmallville 4 / 9  
May 13, 2010   #2
I like the essay but i think that there is something missing from the essay, i think you need to add more details or explain the paragraphs a little more. hope that helps.
OP Mizo Metallic 2 / 9  
May 14, 2010   #3
thanks very much but can you tell me the score please
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 15, 2010   #4
When someone scores something you write, they do it based on their own criteria for what a "good" paper is. It depends on what the teacher is trying to teach.

There is quote which Denis Whitley says, " Forget about your consequence of failure. Failure is a temporary change in direction to set your straight for your next success". No one can deny that failure is an ordinary a common serpent, chasing us everywhere in our life; however, it plays a vital ...

I see a sentence that begins with a lower case letter: being fathom or unfathomed, we all learn from our mistake. ---- do this:
Regardless of whether we are aware of it or not, we all learn from our mistake.

Add a verb:
For instance, I learned from an experience of failure when I took my SAT. I was at first lazy and treated the SAT with indifference until I got on

Here is another sentence that needs to begin with a capital letter:
You must learn from your mistakes in order to achieve ...

:-)

I give it 101% even though there are mistakes! Keep reading, and your writing in English will improve!


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