the power of will
'Failure is proof that the desire wasn't strong enough'
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
Most people spend their lives trying to achieve things, even when they are claiming the opposite. From getting high grades, impressing people, looking cool and unbothered, to getting a good job, we consciously or subconsciously put in some efforts to get or be what we want. Some believe that there is a strong correlation between the effort one dedicates to an objective and the outcome, and that failure to do something is the evidence of a person's lack of desire. Considering the essence of failure, I completely disagree with this opinion.
First and foremost, as romanticized as it is, the power of will is not so universal that it can produce success despite all other factors. For tasks that are self-manageable, such as being nicer to other people, becoming more honest, or just adopting a more positive view in life, a person's desire to overcome a challenge can be the most significance component in deciding the outcome. However, most other ordeals involves numerous variables: supporters, opponents, finances, time, available resources, luck, et cetera. As we are just human beings, we cannot expect to control all of these component with our desire. For example, a swimmer, however desperately want a gold medal in the Olympics, is unlikely to achieve it after a traffic accident that leaves them with two limbs left. The best they can do is to participate in the Paralympics, as modern science cannot provide prothestic limbs that are efficient and fair for sports yet. To blame the athlete for "not wanting enough" in this case would be inconsiderate.
Furthermore, failure is subjective and temporary. If a person really strive to achieve what they want, losing a few times along the way is normal, and not reflective of their powerful will. Failures are also what we make of them - an optimist may consider himself lucky and successful in an outcome, but a pessimist may believe the complete opposite. For example, Megadeth, one of the most successful metal bands that the world has witnessed, was founded by a guitarist who had been kicked off his previous band just at the doorstep of stardom. He worked day and night for his new band, which sold more than 120 million records a decade later. While it might be common sense to consider this guitarist a successful artist, at the end of his life he still pitifully looked at himself as a failure, as the band that kicked him out became Metallica, which sold 500 million records. A failure is not inherently a failure in itself, but rather something open to intepretation.
To conclude, to attribute failure and success to mere desire would be a great mistake. While we cannot be successful in everything just through willpower, we still have the power of stop blaming, carrying on, and deciding the next step. The ultimate thing of significance is one's perspective.
Thank you for your feedback!Hi Hangtan, wow I really enjoyed reading your essay, and not just because I agree with it - ha! I heard the same Megadeath/Metallica anecdote on a podcast - I think it was Hidden Brain? Anyway, although your essay was amazing, I have a few comments. First, this essay is extremely long. I seriously doubt you could write an essay with this many words in the 40 minutes allotted and under IELTS test conditions. It is best to always write using a timer so you can mimic as closely as possible the conditions you will be writing under during the actual test. Second, please see my comment below about using "their" and "them" as singular pronouns. Soon this will be standard, but I am not sure we are there yet. By the way, did you know that 400 years ago "you" made the switch from being a plural only pronoun to one used both for the plural and singular? Anyway, here are a few other comments and suggestions:
Most people spend their lives [focusing on achievements], even ... {I suggest avoiding using "things" in IELTS essays - it is often vague and sounds like you could not come up with a more suitable word}
... Some believe that there is a strong correlation between ... {this statement seems very true, perhaps obvious, but does not reflect the prompt, which implies that failure is only dependent on will - you do state this in the next part of your sentence, but this first half might be misleading} and that failure to do something is the evidence of a person's lack of desire.
... to control all of these [components] with our desire.
... however desperately [wanting] {or "... desperately she wants a ..."} a gold medal.. a accident that leaves...{"leaves them missing two limbs" seems better here to me} {I have no problem with using "them" as a singular object as you have done. It seems like the best solution to me and I predict it will soon be standard. Still, it is not really standard yet and some IELTS graders may frown upon its use. It might be safer to stick with he or she or change the whole sentence to be plural}
... as modern science cannot [yet] {I think the yet sounds better placed here} provide prothestic limbs that are efficient and fair for sports yet. To blame the athlete for "not wanting enough" {I think most coaches would say "not wanting it enough"} in this case would be inconsiderate.
... If a person really [strives] to achieve ...
... and not reflective of their [weak] will. ... we make of them - an optimist ... {I would avoid using dashes in formal essays - stick to commas. Dashes in comments are fine though ;P }
... the power [to] stop blaming [and] carrying on, and [instead decide our] next step. The ultimate[benchmark] of significance is ...
Great esaay Hangtan! I just have a few things to add:
- Try to vary your sentence structures more. In the first 2 paragraphs, I'm only seeing long and longer-than-long sentences. While they may appear advanced, they can also bore the reader.
- Find more synonyms for the keywords in your essay. For example: failure - loss - setback etc. Especially in the third paragraph.
Oh and the guitarist you wrote about is Dave Mustaine! You can also read about Pete Best. He got kicked out of The Beatles, but his story ended better than Mustaine.
