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IELTS : Could Fame Be All Good?


eva_lim 1 / 4  
Jun 15, 2014   #1
Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Being a celebrity is like being the brightest star that draws most of the people's attention where he enjoys higher status in society, financial prosperity or as a role model to the younger generations. With his great achievements, he is a proud man with high self-esteem and confidence, but the drawbacks might also outstrip its advantages of being well-known.

The author suspended for posting the already published content.
nitex 1 / 14 4  
Jun 15, 2014   #2
Take David Beckham as an example, a popular 37-year-old UK footballer, whose earning exceeds millions, solely from the sponsorship deals, thanks to lucrative partnership with numerous apparel brands, including H&M, Adidas and Armani. His average pay per day is £36,000, which is apparently not equivalent to a normal executive with much lower monthly wages.

However, t here is also a high price to pay, as they endure intolerable high pressure. To single out such case, Dato' Lee Chong Wei, Malaysia's national badminton player, who was represented to participate Thomas Cup. His new team players may be forgiven for poor performance, but he can't afford to disappoint his nations due to his high-ranking in badminton world. Therefore, this is also why many Hollywood celebrities ended up releaseingrelieving their stress using inappropriate channel by methods such as taking overdose drugs that took their life away, like Whitney Houston.

In short, fame could enable one to enjoy luxurious lifestyle that not many could afford, but to be hounded by paparazzi 24/7 and live under microscope of tabloid, I think being a high-profile figure in society brings more downside than benefits.

do throw a thumbs up for me if it help!
OP eva_lim 1 / 4  
Jun 15, 2014   #3
Thank you so much for your help. :)
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 15, 2014   #4
Being a celebrity is like being the brightest star that draws most of the people's attention where he enjoys higher status in society, financial prosperity or as a role model to the younger generations.

too long sentence.

I just wanna share how to structure introduction paragraph. First sentence you can make a hook to catch reader attention. Second sentence, you should restate the prompt or is called background sentence. Third sentence is thesis statement.
OP eva_lim 1 / 4  
Jun 15, 2014   #5
Hi Ahmad, I really appreciate your constructive feedback. I will definitely bear in mind with your advice. Thanks! :)
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 15, 2014   #6
I try to create an introduction paragraph based on your prompt

The glamour lifestyle is an identity of famous people. (HOOK)
In this way, a celebrity faces some problems which are a balance impact as well as demerits. (Background)
Personally, I believe that being a celebrity beats more advantages, while the negative impacts are chasing behind popularity. (Thesis)
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 15, 2014   #7
Just some minor points:

With their great achievements, they become proud manpeople

a Malaysia's national badminton player

:)
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 15, 2014   #8
The glamour lifestyle is an identity of famous people. (HOOK)
In this way, a celebrity faces some problems which are a balance impact as well as demerits. (Background)
Personally, I believe that being a celebrity beats more advantages, while the negative impacts are chasing behind popularity. (Thesis)

Hi tiaDS,
If you don't mind I would like to put some comments on this introduction. First of all, thesis is not your opinion. In fact, thesis depicts the main idea of the essay. To write a thesis statement you need to reword the topic. And background is also a different thing. Each introduction should be started with a motivator or a hook, as u said. A motivator can provide some general information too. So, motivator and general background are literally the same. So, an introduction starts with a motivator, then thesis, and finally your opinion and blueprint.

Second of all, it would be better to mention your opinion in the conclusion when you are writing an essay which is not an "agree or disagree" type. Different writing experts have different opinions about the later point though.

Cheers,
Ahmad
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 15, 2014   #9
If you don't mind I would like to put some comments on this introduction.

Sure, you can put some comments because I need your suggestion to improve my writing skill. However, could you give me the good example of introduction paragraph based on this prompt? I really want to learn it. thanks.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 15, 2014   #10
I just wrote what came to my mind as an example. What you wrote as an introduction was fine though. But the following example may give you some ideas to improve what you've already known about introduction's structure.

Celebrities have always been the center of people's and media's attention due to their newsworthy lifestyle (general information as a motivator) . Having attention of people has always brought both advantages and disadvantages to famous individuals. The question goes through the mind is that "do the benefits of being a celebrity outweigh its downsides?" (thesis statement which shows what is the main idea of the essay) . To answer this question both sides of the issue, either advantages and disadvantages, must be asserted (blueprint. This sentence shows that what issues are going to be discussed in the body) .

Cheers,
Ahmad


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