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IELTS- Families who choose private education should not support the state education system


SAM2014 8 / 13 3  
Oct 9, 2014   #1
Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The following is my essay. Please kindly help me to correct it and give me some suggestions to improve

It is argued that parents should not be required to pay taxes to fund the government education system if their children are sent to private schools. I completely disagree with this opinion.

There are several reasons that it would be wrong to reduce taxes for families who pay for private education. Firstly, it would be difficult to compute the exact number of money that should be reduced, and more government stuff would be needed for this process. Secondly, all citizens pay for public services that they might not use, such as police and sports, and they would not expect to receive a refund from the government. Finally, the funding for education system cannot always provide the exact amount of services that parents pay for, even their children are in public schools. It depends on different cities or even different subjects that students take.

In my opinion, we should all be happy to pay the money that supports state education systems. A high quality education system contributes to the whole society rather than a particular family. It has a great impact on other areas of a country, such as economy and health care, which are concerned with every family. Besides, those who receive education from schools funded by government would be able to provide good services for the citizens, including families who choose private education.

In conclusion, I believe that all families should have the same responsibility to pay taxes for the education system of the nation, whether their children are in public school or not.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 9, 2014   #2
- The introduction is too short. It should have at least 3 sentences to qualify as a paragraph. Try to develop the introduction by presenting an argument as to why some parents believe they should not pay taxes if their child goes to a private school.

- You cannot discuss two ideas in a single paragraph. You will have to separate and develop these discussions in order to make it adhere to the IBC format of essay writing. Also, when you say several reasons, it would be best to simply say, First, second, third. Using finally only for your personal opinion.

In conclusion, I believe that all families should have the same responsibility to pay taxes for the education system of the nation, whether their children are in public school or not.

- You forgot to present the thesis statement again, summarize the facts, and present your opinion one final time. That is what comprises the conclusion of an essay.
handsome78boy 2 / 7  
Oct 9, 2014   #3
There are several reasons that it ( in this case, you dont need the word "it" since the word "which" describes the early-mentioned word. ) would be wrong to reduce taxes for families who pay for private education.


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