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IELTS - Nowadays, families are not as close as they used to be. Causes and Solutions?


iam5102 2 / 3  
Oct 12, 2021   #1
Prompt:
Nowadays, families are not as close as the used to be.

What is the causes? What can be solutions for this?



My writing: 297 words

Recently, there has been a bigger gap between family members. Regardless of many efforts have been made, this is still happening in many households.There are some reasons leading to this problem, and fortunately there are also appropriate measures to fix the situation.

To start with, difference between generations is the primary cause of the gap deviding families. For example, parents easily get confused, and struggle to understand their children's thoughts. Spontaneously, children also feel like their parents are incomprehensible, and keep breaking their privacy and freedom. This is how generation gap looks like, and leaving it unsolved can result in various kinds of nagative knock-on effects. Secondly, the lack of communitcation is one of the most serious culprits which is need to be fixed. It is obvious that every organization existing without sharing and communicating will be collapsed including families. Therefore, the shotage of talking and listening between members in a house can help the gap grow bigger and bigger from day to day.

From my perspective, the solutions should come from both sides, or all family members together. On one hand, parents should be friends with their children in order to listen what are their problems and struggles. This is an ideal method to narrow the generation gap, and aslo to get to understand their children more deeply. On the other hand, children should try to put themselves in their parents' shoes so as to recognize difficulties and hardship parents are facing. As a result, from understanding each other, members can become more close-knit as a true family.

In conclusion, the gap in families can come from many distinctive causes, but some proper approaches can be very beneficial. And the main point here is just to share, and to communicate more from both parents and children.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,700 3784  
Oct 12, 2021   #2
Regardless of many efforts have been made, this is still happening in many households.

As this is not referenced in the original presentation, it should not be discussed in the restatement. This is a topic alteration that lowers the accuracy of restatement score.

There are some reasons ... measures to fix the situation.

You are not answering the questions. The discussion outline based on qquestion responses are missing. This paragraph does not have any questions response outline as needed to prove your logical understanding of the discussion requirements. An accurate response is needed for a proper score to be applied.

communitcation

Spelling error. Proofread and correct these to avoid vocabulary and grammar deductions.

And the main

Academic writing violation. Grammar rules dictate that " and" as a conjunction should never be used to start a sentence. This is because conjunctions are used as thought and idea connectors in a sentence.
OP iam5102 2 / 3  
Oct 12, 2021   #3
I rewrote the first paragraph here:

Recently, there has been a bigger gap which makes people living under one roof feel much more seperated from each other than they did in the past. In this essay, I am going to point out some primary culprits behind this problem and also recommend some possible ways to fix the situation.
chantran 4 / 9  
2 days ago   #4
@iam5102
I think the Holt is trying to say that you should put particular reasons and solutions in the thesis statement, because that's what the questions are asking for.


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