Adolescence is an important milestone in an individual's life. Their decisions so far is a result of experiences and habits they absorb from family and friends. In my view, the significant impact in their life can be linked with family . This effect can be observed in their ability to differentiate between what suits them most and plan their life events like choice of schooling.
Role of family is just not to provide a safer environment for the sibling but also help them learn to identify what is good and what is not so good. Parents often share their life experience at different stages to help them use this as an anecdote. For example, the value of money and saving helps them throughout life. This type of moral learning can only be learnt at home and not outside.
Additionally, learning from experiences in family help youngsters to focus on a skill set and master ability at a particular form of career later on. As an example, musicians often learn from their family influences to perfect an instrument. Discipline in one's activity and dedication can be shared with them while growing up. Evidently this helps them to choose career since they know better tricks of the trade and they see examples of success in the family.
From this, it can be gathered that role of family in shaping teenager behaviour is deep-rooted. The type of choices they make in professional career and moral values can only be learnt at home with the people that know them well.
Your essay is good. What I would suggest is also writing about how family has helped you in life, go deep. Show a connection in order to defend your statement. Overall pretty good.
Hi Vips, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope that you'll be able to use our assistance for your writing reference and for purposes that will serve you best.
As I go through the essay, I believe you managed to point out the best position you can present with regards to the ideas that the prompt is asking for. The argument you presented is rather truthful, you cited a valuable and realistic example that adds a much needed thought and substance to the essay.
However, I have a few suggestions for your conclusion.
- From this, it can be gathered that the role
- of the family in shaping
- teenagers behaviour is deep-rooted.
- with the people
thatwho know them well.
There you have it Vips, I hope the above remarks and insights are helpful as well as useful to your revision.
Hello @justivy03 ,
Thanks for warm welcome and writing a response.
I find it amazing how you interpreted the logic behind the writing (gets to show your experience in the game!)
Do you think /suggest for essay writing like the one above , we should be covering both agree and disagree before drawing conclusion.
I am focussing on IELTS so would be happy to know related experiences if any!
Hi Vips, thank you for acknowledging our work here on EF, it definitely makes us feel worthy of your appreciation when we read your responses and believe me when I say that here on EF, we strive to provide you with the most accurate feedback towards the confident revision of your essay and your final submission.
Now, when it comes drawing a conclusion in an argumentative essay, yes it is advisable that you draw a short one liner on the agreement or disagreement in order to refresh your readers on what they're actually reading, I would also suggest that if you will not be able to create this input towards the end due to the logical flow of ideas, don't fret, you can incorporate this idea in your conclusion and this should create a well written conclusion.
Further to IELTS expertise, I myself is familiar with the standards, however, here on EF, we don't give out points related to IELTS but rather, towards the usage of the language and how you manage to follow the English language rules.
I hope the insights are clear and should you need further assistance, we're here for you.
Hi Vips, You essay is pretty good. You have covered all good points. I think you may also define the phase of life where teenager needs guidance in his life. Thanks
Your essay so good, but i think you must explain the reason, go deep "why the family give significant impact for adolescent"
how about your opinion? do you agree or disagree because the titled is "family has a bigger influence on young teens than friends. Present your agreement or disagreement"