[TOEFL] Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year.

Q: [TOEFL] Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year. Do you think these people deserve such high salaries? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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High wages for famous people?

People now a day live in a complicated society, people from different social status and doing different kinds of works. Some people will get high paid jobs because the companies receive good profit, some people get normal salaries because the works are simple. Therefore, various jobs provide various wages, personally speaking, I definitely agree the statement that those famous athletes and singers deserve to get such a high pay.

Although some people might think that the concert should not charge customers such a high admission fee because they think it is unreasonable to cost so high. Moreover, some people may even maintain how come the products which are signed by those people's name could be rather expensive. However, there are several following reasons to support my opinion why the renowned people deserve to get these privilege.

First of all, being illustrious singers and athletes are definitely difficult because those are in fierce competition. I could definitely reason that the probability to be a famed people is so low; thus, it is undoubted that they have to work in high pressure, which is much higher than the original people. Moreover, they have to invest a lot of money in marketing and relevant business, so this is why they need to get the feedback to balance wax and wane.

Moreover, undoubtedly, those well-known people put lots of effort on their works. They spend a lot of time and money to make themselves outstanding under the stage. Each of them is sweating blood to attract the viewers' eyes. Take NBA basketball players, for example, LeBron James is the king in NBA no one can beat him solely, even three people are also difficult to defend his attack. His success comes from not only his talent but also his hard work. He makes a training schedule every day, discussing with his coach about every game and learns from mistakes. Furthermore, he has to follow the nutritionist's advice to control the calories. Virtually, his life is tight and busy, that he can not stop his steps because someone else may catch his steps or transcend him.

In conclusion, the reasons which I mentioned above explain why I think that the famous singers and athletes deserve such a high wages. They invest a high price to acquire success so it is reasonable for them to earn lots of fortune.

By the way, could someone tell how many scores I could get in Independent writing?

Hi Eric Sung, I think we should pay more attention on grammar to avoid grammatical mistakes in essays. I found some points like that in your essay such as people from different social ... ( it should be people from different social status and do different kinds of works ) or ... and athletes are definitely difficult ( are should be is ) ; in high pressure ( under high pressure ) .

That's all for you, and don't be sad because we're not perfect , be happy because we're trying to get more and more perfect everyday .

Have a nice day !

@ERIC SUNG

I've not been doing any TOELT writing recently but it seems that you've written the hooks.

The introduction is though not straight to the points so takes up many words.

The second and third paragraph seem irrelevant to me.

If I were you, I would develop the idea centering their hard-work, personal expenses (diet, clothes, media ...) to support the topic question

Eric, in my opinion, you cannot score higher than a 3 with this essay because of inconsistencies in your writing. Your opening statement did not properly paraphrase the topic requirements in the original instructions so it would seem like you are discussing a totally different topic from the original. Then, rather than focusing on the general discussion regarding the salaries of the entertainers and celebrities, you focused on concerts, merchandise, and other similar topics. You also mentioned athletes specifically and how they train in order to earn their money. However,these people are all still in the same business, entertainment. Does that make them better skilled than a construction worker who risks his life to create office buildings? Or is their job more important than the bus driver who takes people to and from their destinations safely? In order to have better discussed this essay, you should have considered the more popular opinion regarding the salaries of these high earners. Since you are presenting your opinion in the essay, then you should first present the opinion that you will be contradicting in order to give credence to your claims.