Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

TOEFL: Famous people are bothered by the media


AngelaB 7 / 14  
Apr 27, 2014   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines and other media pay to much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.

Some people think that mass media should only focus on news and current affairs. Others believe that television, newspapers and magazines should keep us entertained and therefore they should pay attention to famous people lives as well. This issue is a controversial one, but in my opinion a closer examination reveals that mass media deal too much with superficial things for different reasons.

One reason is that television and newspapers focus on famous peoples' lives in order to increase their audience or readership. Gutter press and Tabloid TV are more and more replacing quality papers or documentaries programs. Thanks to the Internet, we can go online and have access to information from all over the world and therefore mass media don't need any more to keep informed people but their goal is to have enough readers or TV audience.

Another reason is that we live in a society where the most important thing is appearance and gossip. Nowadays, unscrupulous paparazzi constantly follow celebrities just to take a photo while they are eating or training. Newspapers often receive accusations of checkbook journalism; this means that magazines pay people a lot of money for stories or photos. Additionally, there are Reality TV, television programs in which people are put into artificial environments and situations, for example like "Big Brother".

To sum up, it is clear that television, magazines and newspapers pay too much attention of peoples' private lives for all the reasons mentioned above, namely to increase audience or readership and to give exciting and shocking news to a society which feed upon gutter press and Tabloid TV.

I think that my writing skills are really poor. Do you have any suggestion to improve them?
Thank you very much!

Itsyasmeens 2 / 10  
Apr 27, 2014   #2
First of, the grammar is great, and you used great vocab as well.
However, this essay could of been better if you added examples like
Justin Bieber or One Direction since the article is about celebrities and thats how you explain your point clearly.
I think that your essay is really good compared to other essays in the TOEFL however, you should add examples to clarify your point :)
OP AngelaB 7 / 14  
Apr 27, 2014   #3
Thank you very much! You're right.. I am going to add examples next time:)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 30, 2014   #4
Others believe that television, newspapers and magazines should keep us entertained and therefore they should pay attention to famous people lives as well.

This is actually not something which is said in your prompt;

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines and other media pay to much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.

Actually why media pays more attention to private lives of famous people is because they want to lift their sales. Your writing always needs to stay aligned with your prompt.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 1, 2014   #5
This is actually not something which is said in your prompt;

Yes, I too agree with dumi. You have gone a little out of topic in the intro. Always stay aligned with the prompt.
To sum up, it is clear that television, magazines and newspapers pay too much attention ofonpeoples ' private lives of celebrities for all the reasons mentioned above, namely to increase audience or readership and to give exciting and shockingmake their news more sensational to a society which feed upon gutter press and Tabloid TV.

You write very well :)
OP AngelaB 7 / 14  
May 2, 2014   #6
Thank you very much! Your suggestions are precious!!!
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 2, 2014   #7
One reason isthatwhy television and newspapers focus on famous peoples' lives isin order to increase their audience or readership.

Gutter press and Tabloid TV are more and more replacing quality papers or documentaries programs.

.... I don't get what you really mean by this sentence :(\

Another reason is that we live in a society where the most important thing is appearance and gossip.

... LOL ... This is a real interesting idea :D


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Famous people are bothered by the media