Hi, Im new in this forum, sorry if im doing something bad.. Can someone help me please?
ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF BEING FAMOUS
Today, becoming famous is easier than a few years ago. You could be popular upgrading videos to the internet or going to reality shows. Being famous is something that most people wish. But people only think in the advantages of being famous, but what about the disadvantages?
On the one hand, there are several disadvantage, first and in my opinion the most important; your private life. Not only paparazzis following you around the world looking something to post on newspapers, sometimes newspapers or magazines invento gossips about yo. Moreover people judge you without know your real life.
On the other hand, if you are famous, you can travel around the world. In addition, every you go, I am sure that you will be receive a better attention than an ordinary person. In addition, celebrities earn a lot of money and can buy whatever they want.
In conclusion, I think that famous persons should be prepared to be a celebrity and people that want to be shuld know that not everything is good.
Your essay is very good try adding more detail or examples you left a u in you I'm not much of a help but those are things you might want to consider
Hey Spark, welcome to the forum :-) Why do you think you have done something bad? As far as I can tell, you haven't done anything wrong here since you are new to the forum and this is actually your first post. Don't worry, you haven't violated any terms of use so far :-) Just relax and let us help you improve your essay writing skills ok?
You wrote a very good introduction. That first paragraph has more than the minimum number of sentences required. You were able to clearly and originally restate the prompt that you were provided for the essay. This is a very good first try at essay writing based upon your first paragraph alone. Good job! Some revisions for this paragraph:
You could be popular BY upgrading LOADING videos to the internet or going JOINING to reality shows. Being famous is something that most people wish FOR. But people only think in OF the advantages of being famous, but what about the disadvantages?
About the second paragraph, I think that it might have been better if you presented the advantages to being famous first. After all, that is what people are interested in knowing about. That is not to say though that you were wrong to discuss the disadvantages first. The topic that will be discussed first is really up to the writer. Let me correct some grammar mistakes that exist in your second paragraph:
On the one hand, there are several disadvantageS, first and in my opinion the most important; THERE IS A VIOLATION OF your private life. Not only paparazzis following THE PAPARAZZI FOLLOW you around the world looking FOR something to post on IN newspapers, s . Sometimes newspapers or magazines invento gossips about yoU. Moreover people judge you without knowING your real life.
As far as the third paragraph goes, you need to use more examples in order to support your line of reasoning. It is the weakest link in your written work at the moment. Here are the corrections for it:
In addition, everyWHERE you go, I am sure that you will be receive a better attention than an ordinary person. In addition, celebrities earn a lot of money and can buy whatever they want.
As far as the conclusion is concerned, you need to develop it better. Write it along the lines as the introduction. The same sentence number requirement applies. What you have right now is too short and your thought or message is not really clear. Try to rephrase it to make yourself better understood.
Your essay is very good try adding more detail or examples you left. I'm probably not much help because I'm still in middle school, but you could consider this idea. :) Also check out my essay please! Thanks.
Help with mine ⇒ Meeting a New Teacher PERSONAL NARRATIVE
Thank you very much. You have helped me a lot
Hi
It seems your second paragraph and third paragraph lack examples and detail. It is quite brief . Maybe you can try to add more example as to why being famous is good and why being famous is bad. Give some real life example like justin bieber.
Example - Being famous has allowed him to become so popular that many people in the world know him.
hi SparkDark,
I think you could add more details about your part of the advantage part. Otherwise it doesn't seem to be persuasive.
Some sentences seems vague to me like:
In addition, celebrities earn a lot of money and can buy whatever they want.
Being famous is something that most people wish.
They are not so related to the context.
