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Thus far today, the world has been just like a small country with hyper


hungnguyen278 1 / 1  
Feb 20, 2015   #1
Which one do you prefer, working in team or independently? [ TOEFL PREPARED INDEPENDENT TASK ]

Thus far today, the world has been just like a small country with hyper - interacting with people throughout the world. People work everyday and every night with the help from technology advances. To increase productivity, besides technology ( as we'll not talking about it ), many organisations also need to consider on how people or individually. In my view, teamwork is always my answer to the question: " How we work in the developed society".

Teamwork plays important roles in the development of the world. As you see that teamwork helps us to enhance our responsibility. For instance, once product is finished completely include ideal and practical steps but when the errors occur, every single one in that team need to be responsible for them. In some ways, teamwork create beautiful, glorious and deep friendship or partnership. Everyone, every idea which happens to their mind, would have chance to glow, to bloom more. Hence, effect of work would be improved clearly. That's what we call " synergy ". Finally, individuals work in group could build up their personal soft skills. Anyways, as far as I'm concerned, teamwork nowadays becomes new trend for industrialized world.

However, the improvement of teamwork starts from the beginning of independent working. Maybe, you should think again about "working alone". First of all, individually work may help you to improve and develop your own ideas better. In addition, working like this protects you from rumour or divergence by many sides. This helps you to concentrate more on your work, your product might be well - developed. What do you expect more?.

To sum up, teamwork or independent work all have their own benefits. It relies on anybody who satisfy with each kind of work. However, in my opinion, I'd rather prefer teamwork more
SamSegal 1 / 1  
Feb 20, 2015   #2
Overall it's a good essay however you should talk more about benefits of individual work; because most of your essay is based on team work.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 20, 2015   #3
Thus far today- this phrase sounds weird
( as we'll not talking about it ), This should be omitted.
" How we work in the developed society". This one as well
Teamwork plays an important role
helps us to enhance
s becomes a new trend
OP hungnguyen278 1 / 1  
Feb 21, 2015   #4
Vns9x: Thanks so much for your comment
huongkhoi1708 3 / 3 1  
Feb 21, 2015   #5
Hi hungnguyen278!
I really like your work but there's one point that annoys me.

''First of all, individually work may help you to improve and develop your own ideas better '' : when you write '' First of all '' then afterwards you need to say secondly, then thirdly or lastly ( sum up is OK )
EF_Season - / 21 14  
Feb 21, 2015   #6
What about your first paragraph truly leads you into the idea of "teamwork?" Might there be a different way to get to your thesis, that teamwork is important? You talk first about technology and organizations but those concepts don't lead you directly to your thesis. Instead, now that you have a thesis, again "that teamwork is important," try to move backward through those introductory sentences and ensure that each word--each sentence--leads directly to your thesis. Doing so will help you to create a much stronger introduction.

I like the section about synergy; however, what would really make this section shine is a true example of teamwork in practice that leads to the synergy. Can you think of an example from your own experience that you could share? You're playing to the human emotions here, it would be nice to have a succinct human story that leads into the idea of "synergy." Right now, what you have is vague and a strong example could help your writing to become much more clear.

Take a look at the conclusion. What is it you're really trying to say? That you like team work? Why not say it outright and then give a final (but conclusory) example of why. Example from my OWN life here: Working in a team to create a new assisted animal riding program was fulfilling for me because everyone was able to contribute creative solutions to larger concerns. Do you see how the example clearly outlines WHY I like teamwork and is clear for the reader?

Good luck with your writing! EF_Season


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