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Is fashion detrimental to society? People look into exterior beauty without notice of inner beauty

maritsa 1 / -  
Jan 20, 2017   #1

Is fashion harmful to society?

Nowadays,this is controversial issue.I think that fashion is harmful to society.I am going to enumerate reason of my choice.

To begin with,fashion makes children worry about their size.Because of fashion,children lose self-esteem and they emulate model.They try to become size zero.It bring about blumia.

Secondly,fashion causes to much waste of time and money.People spend money on thing which is pointless unceasingly for the sake of fashion.It makes people look silly.Another point is that waste of time.People focus on just fashion instead of education and work.

Last but not least,fashion leads to discrimination.People bias each other as to what they wear.It causes to seperate their social group.Besides people look exterior beauty regardless of inner beauty.

To sum up,race of fashion never end.People continue to pursue fashion.They never satisfied.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,028 4247  
Jan 20, 2017   #2
Maritsa, I strongly suggest that you post the original prompt discussion that you are responding to along with your essay. Even without reading it, I can tell you that your opening statement is weak and ill effective. It does not fully represent the prompt requirements due to its short presentation. In fact, the shortness of the paragraphs clearly represent the biggest weakness of your writing style. It is important that you learn to fully develop your thought presentations or justifications through your paragraphs. By doing so, you will be able to gain a better score as you are able to express yourself in a more complete manner representative of the prompt requirements. Unfortunately, I am unable to give you advice as to how you can better develop this essay discussion due to the lack of the original prompt. That said, I will still be able to assist you with that if you provide the prompt below. There is room for improvement in your work, you just need to be instructed as to how you can do that.

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