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IELTS TASK 2: Fashionable clothes, Is this attitude a positive or negative development?

afaquekhan85 1 / 3 1  
Mar 9, 2018   #1
Prompt: More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes.
Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development?

"Fashion is the product of modern age"

Professor Chow Yong, Institute of Fashion Design, University of Hong Kong. Our appearance is greatly affected by the clothes we wear and it is because of this reason that a growing number of people have begun to question whether we should wear our traditional clothes or follow new trends. Yet, I believe fashion trends offer freedom of expression and satisfaction.

There are positive effects of wearing fashionable clothes. Firstly, following new trends help people, especially teenagers, to cope with peer pressure and can even result in the acceptance among contemporary people. For example, Millions, if not thousands are bullied in schools on daily basis due to their clothing or apparel. Secondly, it is believed that modern clothes make you feel confident as they are portraying a modern image. For instance, Superstar branded shoes from Adidas. Finally, fashionable clothes goes beyond the aesthetic values, it emerges as an expressive tool for designers and wearers to deliver their message to the society. Like a famous Hollywood actress once said, "Give a girl the right attire and she can win the world."

On the other hand, whether it is a good trend or a bad, it depends on the individual's choice, but people need to be aware of disbursement of time and money. Further any new trends are usually fleeting in nature and may shy away within few months. For example, some designer clothes like Prada or Gucci cost hefty amount but they can only be worn for a couple of times. Moreover, some people are obsessed with tailing fashion trends because they offer exclusivity and quality regardless of price. Likewise, bags, glasses and shoes produced by Prada, Channel or Gucci.

In conclusion, I believe people need to find a balance rather than picking one end of the spectrum. Moreover, there is no point in loathing fashion trends. On contrary, they are means of appearance and a source of satisfaction. Therefore, wearing fashionable clothes has a positive effect.

chiehpower 1 / 3 1  
Mar 10, 2018   #2
Personlly, I thank you wrote very perfect and complete.

I suggest that you can change the word "But" to others. Some teachers taught us less using "but" word in IELTS.
... cost hefty amount but they ...

It is a little advice.
Thanks for your writing, and it simultaneously gives me a tremendous help.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,323 1847  
Mar 13, 2018   #3
Afaque, this is a direct answer single opinion essay. Therefore, you are supposed to pick only one side of the discussion to represent in the essay. Which side do you actually support? That is the main focus of your discussion and should be the overall content of the paper. You approach to the essay discussion is wrong. In addition to that, you are not following the required format for a Task 2 essay.

Your first major mistake, was using a quote from an outside source. I am sure that you had to do research in order to come up with that quote. You relied on the existence of an internet connection in the computer you used. At the actual exam center, the computers will be locked down to a LAN connection. There is no internet available. So you should rely on using common sense and common information when doing the practice tests. This is not an exam about researched information anyway, it is a test of how well you can express yourself in the English language. Analytical thinking is a must, but researched information is not.

By the way, your discussion paragraphs are considered under developed because you discussed more than one topic per paragraph. The strict ruling on that is one topic discussed over 5 sentences per paragraph, Any more than that and the opinion you are presenting is weak and not really impressive. Your explanations tend to become confusing to the reader when you impart information about 2 separate discussion topics in one paragraph. You have 3 body paragraphs, use it the way it was meant to be. As a one reason per paragraph discussion representation.

Overall, this is a poorly developed and presented essay and I do not think you will get an impressive score with such a presentation in the actual test.
OP afaquekhan85 1 / 3 1  
Mar 16, 2018   #4
Thank you very much for pointing and reviewing my essay... this will help me understand my mistakes and improve. Moreover, this is what I wrote in the actual exam on 6 Feb 2018 and got 6.5 bands for it... I was devastated because I couldn't see my mistake but now after your complete and unbiased review, I know it was my fault.

Further, Holt can I have your Whatsapp Number... So that I can ask you to review my essay directly. I am willing to pay for it... if that's OK with you.

Mine is 03332121057 on Whatsapp. Thanks

Afaque Khan
manhhackc 2 / 3 1  
Mar 17, 2018   #5
I think that You had a good essay. However, in my opinion, you should consider some aspects as following:
1. It is difficult to quote a sentence in the examination room.
2. The balance of per paragraph is not good.
3. Your support for one side is not clear, if you improve a bit on the argument, your score may be higher.

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