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In this fast-changing world, a lot of children live in the way that can threaten their health.


putri22 33 / 33 5  
Feb 28, 2016   #1
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?


In this fast-changing world, a lot of children live in the way that can threaten their health. It is believed that not only schools but also parents have responsibility to tackle this issue. I strongly believe that both parts play a huge role for changing the unhealthy lifestyle of the children since children have high frequency to interact with them.

Children spend most of their time with their parents in the house. It leads parents to have an authority to control their sons or daughters to practice healthy living. For instance, mothers are able to cook healthy meals for family member every day and teach their children why eating healthy food is essential. Moreover, children can be instructed by their parents to have a good sleeping-pattern which is very vital for their growth. As a result, children will be familiar with healthy lifestyle thanks to their parents' role.

In addition, schools are also the foremost key to change unhealthy lifestyle of their pupils since the students will study there at least six days in a week. In the school, pupils can be taught how to live healthily such as washing their hands after finishing an activity. Furthermore, schools are able to encourage students to have many physical activities such as running, swimming or playing football. As a consequence, children still practice their healthy living even though they are not in the house. On the other hand, another figure such as the government may be responsible for dealing with such problem but they might not have a crucial influence as big as parents and schools have.

To sum up, based on the aforementioned points, I agree that parents and schools are responsible for coping such problem as children spend much time with them.

Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Feb 29, 2016   #2
Hi Alifah, the mistake I noted in your essay is regarding tenses. As the prompt said that how you agree or disagree, so you should suggest the ways . Rather than writing it in a form that is already done. To explain it:

For instance, mothers are able to cook healthy meals for family member every day and teach their children why eating healthy food is essential.

Either you write,
.....mothers are able to cook, so in this way they can cook for their family and can also teach them.

OR

....mothers can cook for family members and can teach their children......


Hope you are able to make out the difference.

........that can threaten(Threaten means to scare, so here may be you want to say that can affect their health. Use words like put health in danger/ risk their health/compromise their health etc.) their health. ...............since children have high frequency to interact with them the most .

......... This gives an authority totheir parents to control ............, mothers are able tocan cook ........ member every day and can teach ..........lifestyle with the help of their parents.

...........pupilsfor students will study ....................taught how to live healthilymaintain hygiene such as washing their hands after and before every meal . Furthermore, schools should encourage students to involve in various physical ............... .children stillcan practice a healthy living ........... another figure such as the government is also responsible ...........

.....Overall it was a good essay :) Good luck :)


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