IELTS: Fast food should not be allowed to advertise - all companies have the right to advertise

Many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise.

What is your opinion?

In this day and age, advertising is the key method to do business. Some people think that junk food advertising should be banned, while others believe that all companies can advertise freely. In my opinion, all companies and organizations have the right to make adverts for their products because of the open market and the right for the customers to choose the products they want.

Nowadays, open trade gives all countries as well as international and local companies more opportunities to do business. Globalization creates this convenient market as an inevitable result. The business have their own right to promote their products to make profits. In other words, advertising not only helps the companies earn more money, it also helps companies' employees and other contributors such as models or video makers make ends meet. Besides, fast food advertising can make the advertisement market more varied and give more choices for clients.

It is legal for people to access all of the products that are available in the market. Customers should have the chance to see all products so that they can find the suitable ones for them. Advertisement is the bridge between sellers and buyers to support their demands. Even though junk food is not healthy for people if they overly consume this kind of food, it is still their own choice to decide which product they want.

In conclusion, though some people consider advertising about junk food should not be permitted in society, others think that each company has the right to make advertisements for their products. I think all companies should be able to connect with clients through adverts owing to the globalization market nowadays and the right of the customers to reach a wide range of goods.

While you word choice is good, I think your logic is lacking.
First, you didn't expand your ideas clearly.
Second, you should just focus on the matter of the topic, without mentioning irrelevant matter. For example, "Nowadays, open trade gives all countries as well as international and local companies more opportunities to do business. Globalization creates this convenient market as an inevitable result" Globalization is not related.

Third, you should add more linking words between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence and cohension.
Forth, sometimes your sentences are confusing so you should make them shorter or use commas.