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IELTS essay: fast food availability


giotinhsao 1 / -  
Oct 18, 2020   #1
RUBRIC:

In some countries fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available

.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the advantages?


Due to an immense role for being human's primitive energy sources, food has been consecutively diverted so as to meet the people's demand, ranging from tastes to products' expense. As a result, some countries have witnessed an increasing ubiquity of fast consumption for its such convenient cost. While benefits can be drawn out from this trend, there should be more significant demerits to concern.

On the one hand, the seeming immediateness and affordability in price can be the benefits from having ready meals. Firstly, owing to increasing cutting-edge cooking techniques, fast food can be served not only in several types such as pizza and potato chips but also at a reasonable cost compared to domestic meals. Furthermore, this instant- pace service can be immensely critical for those who are having little recess during the day, since the fact that they will not have spent loads of time at home via processes from purchasing products to preparing food, a complete combo meal being ordered in less than 10 minutes will may leave them more free time for their persona activities.

On the other hand, fast food does present a number of drawbacks, the most typical of which can be seen in human health issues. In order to handle myriads of customers on a daily basis, meals would undoubtedly have been prepared and stored for a long period of time, along with additional chemicals including oil and preservative to maintain any specific quality. Consequently, individuals can endure a huge range of long - term diseases from this regular junk food intake such as obesity and chronic illness in later life. Moreover, since, in my opinion, home-made meals do not entirely mean about food but rather connections within humans, the trend of fast consumption somewhat caused a detrimental impact on those relationships by depriving away the time where people can talk to each other.

In conclusion, it is no astonishing for the ubiquity of ready meals because of its significant comfort in duration and cost for the society. Nevertheless, those demerits mentioned above can be more considerable to be inspected.

amira11545 8 / 15 5  
Oct 18, 2020   #2
@giotinhsao
I think one of your problems is that your sentences are too long.
For example, "Furthermore, this instant- pace service can be immensely critical for those who are having little recess during the day, since the fact that they will not have spent loads of time at home via processes from purchasing products to preparing food, a complete combo meal being ordered in less than 10 minutes will may leave them more free time for their persona activities."

Your essay should be more concise so that the structure is clear and easy to follow.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,758 3086  
Oct 19, 2020   #3
The maximum word count for this Task 2 essay is 290 words. You have written 347 words and not paid attention to the correction of your errors in the presentation. I have seen errors in vocabulary usage, coherence, and cohesiveness within your paragraphs. While these are seen as minimal errors in your presentation, you can still expect to receive small scoring deductions in the appropriate rubic. That means, your essay will have a lower possible, rather than higher possible score.

The opening paraphrase is confusing. What does "primitive energy sources" have to do with food become cheaper and more accessible to people? Why are you referring to information that is not in the original prompt? A prompt restatement means you have to accurately use your own words to explain the original topic and discussion requirements. You cannot add or change the content to suit your perceived discussion needs. That is considered a prompt alteration and will have a direct effect on your TA score.

When you say that there are more demerits, then stick to the defense of that opinion. That means, you need to give 2 valid reasons that will prove how a perceived merit, is truly a demerit, within the same paragraph. The format should be:

Sentence 1: Merit
Sentence 2: Why is it a merit?
Sentence 3: Reason it is a demerit
Sentence 4: Evidence of demerit
Sentence 5: Explanation of demerit example

Use the correct formatting for the discussion so that you can pull down your word count and stay within the expected discussion presentation. The shorter and better explained the essay, the better your score. Stay within the minimum and maximum word requirement at all times.


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