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Fast food brings us more avails than drawbacks (IELTS task 2)


clackkent 1 / -  
Nov 6, 2012   #1
I'm gonna take the test in next few days. So I really need your help, please give me some comments on my essay. Thanks a bunch.

Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not.

What are your opinions on this?


People have different views about the popularization of fast food all over the world. While some people worry that fast food can cause serious health problems, I believe that overall its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

First off, it is noteworthy that fast food is very convenient. This is evidenced by the fact that you can bring it anywhere. For example, you can buy fast food on the way to school and eat it there. Moreover, it saves you a great deal of time. When you have classes on both morning and afternoon, and you only have about one hour for break, thus you do not have time to go home to enjoy lunch. Fast food is especially helpful in this situation as you need little time to eat and then can take a rest for a while before having the next classes. Hence, fast food is very suitable with our busy life nowadays.

On second thoughts, the price of fast food is relatively cheaper than that of traditional meal. Fast food is mass produced and producers such as Mc Donald, KFC also take the advantage of the economies of scale to reduce products' price. On the other hand, if you cook a meal yourself, you will have to pay for the ingredients, fuel and cleaning expenses which could cost you plenty of money and efforts. Therefore, fast food is a better choice for saving money.

For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that fast food brings us more avails than drawbacks. Thus its popularity is a positive trend.

emersonkelly - / 4  
Nov 6, 2012   #2
Fast food results in many health issues like obesity, heart related disease etc. because of excess fat, cheese, oil and calorie involved. But the advantgae is that it saves time and available at cheaper rates!!

Have fast food once in a while, that is better!!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 6, 2012   #3
I think you've done a real good job. Your essay structure meets expectations of the examiners. You display good writing skills and vocabulary. So basically you need not to worry :)

Few things I noted;

First off ,

This is evidenced by the fact that you can bring it anywhere

I suggest;
This is evidenced by the conveninent and time effective solutions they offer.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Nov 6, 2012   #4
I believe that overall its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

I think it would be better to say why you took this position at the end of the introduction. In fact, when you write the reasons, you can point out that what issues are going to be discussed in the body. For example you could write :"I believe that overall its benefits outweigh the drawbacks because of time saving and economic issues" This is called "blueprint" that makes your essay more fluent.

fast food

you can use the word "convenience food" to avoid repeating the word "fast food"

Hope this helps
Kind regards
Ahmad
salmav 8 / 27 4  
Nov 6, 2012   #5
Nowadays, Fast food is more and more worldwide for people in almost everywhere. Some say it is good and others disagree on that thesis. Unfortunately, every coin has its two sides, so is Fast food.

First of all, Fast food brings us a heap of advantages. Just as its name, we will save more time to have a hamburger than cook one, which is very convenient for those who are quite busy. In addition, we can take it with us wherever we go. For instance, if you are working in the bank, which means you just have only one hour and a half for eating and relaxing, so fast food might be the best choice in this situation.

Second of all, besides its benefits above, it also has some negative points. As we know, fast food is extremely harmful to our health because they cook food with oil used day after day. That can be a factor of bringing about cancers or heart-attacks. Moreover, it can make you fat, which are now happening often in many parts of the world. Last but not least, the quality of food is not guaranteed, we will never know what if the meat and vegetable are truly fresh.

As I am a student and sometimes get stuck in studying, I occasionally take meals in KFC. However, I do not agree that fast food increasing more common is a positive trend.

Please help me :)
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Nov 6, 2012   #6
Work on grammar and vocabulary. If this is an "agree or disagree" essay, you should take one position, either agree or disagree. In this way you can convince the reader to accept your opinion more easily.
salmav 8 / 27 4  
Nov 7, 2012   #7
thank you so much :X
renlyso 4 / 18  
Nov 7, 2012   #8
4-paragraph structure? I learnt it from simon blog today. Examiners prefer this kind of essays?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 7, 2012   #9
Yep:

1. Intro: introduction +opinion
2. 1st Body Para : reason +example
3. 2nd Body Para: reason +example
4. Conclusion: sum of all above
renlyso 4 / 18  
Nov 8, 2012   #10
Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not.

What are your opinions on this?


in this type of topic, should we answer two questions respectively?it is also suggestion from simon...

paragraph2: opinion about 'Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular'
paragraph3:opinion about 'Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not.'
humanx 3 / 5 1  
Nov 8, 2012   #11
Good Job
i like the structure of your essay. i think its kind of ordered and like my way in writing.However, I think it would be better to mention the opposite standing view in the third paragraph to proof that its an argument. Moreover, it would be more useful if you tried to make your conclusion longer ..

:)
good luck
kind regards
peace


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