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Fatherhood should be considered as important as motherhood


thoigiandeyeu 4 / 1  
Apr 17, 2010   #1
"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up'. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I need useful advice for my essay from all members of this forum. Thanks a lot! And i also want to know which score my essay could be get in IELTS test?

This essay does not have the conclusion. I will add up later... Here are the introduction and the body!

Today, men play a role as important as women in bringing children up and looking after them. Men and women also have equal rights so they take equal responsibilities to their children. It is argued that fatherhood should be considered as important as motherhood. I strongly believe the idea that women are born to be mothers doesn't mean that they are responsible for nurturing children alone.

Firstly, children are results of the love and the combination between both men and women so men also must have duties for raising children. Apart from that, men and their children have strong connections, as a result, fathers always influence in children's personality. It is very important to children to be well cared for and educated from both their parents. The lack of care from fathers can have a negative impact on the development and thinking of children. For example, in some developing countries, children who live without fathers by any reason are vulnerable and they usually find difficult getting on well with their friends. They also tend to be shy and weak in comparison with their peers who luckily are educated by parents.

Azeri 10 / 137  
Apr 17, 2010   #2
I would advise you to add one more reason to your essay to make it strong and rich in content.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 18, 2010   #3
I don't know how to score the test, but you write very clearly with only minor mistakes!

I like Azeri's idea of adding one more point, if possible.

Here is another option for these two sentences:
Today, men play a role as important as the role played by women in bringing children up and looking after them. Men and women also have equal rights, so they take equal responsibility for their children.

:-)


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