IELTS TASK 2: About Fatherhood V/S Mother

Slam everyone! Here is my another essay waiting for your suggestions & corrections.

Topic:"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."

Essay

Father & mother both are the important part of family. They are not only important for each other but also for their children. Fatherhood must emphasised as much as motherhood. Both parents certainly necessary for children's rearing. Father is the head of a family, no family can survive without father's presence because if mother is the Queen of family then obviously father is the King. And without King, Queen & her family is good for nothing.

Similarly, women are not only the responsible for deciding to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. Men are also responsible for bringing the children up. Both men & women are like two wheels of a car. And a car can't work only with one wheel. Likewise children can't be bring-up properly without out fathers. Parents should provide proper environment for growing up & for study to their children. They should give them proper time. They should take-out sometime from their hectic life for their children. Parents ought to be a role model for their children because they are the first educators for their children.

Children can be more confident, emotionally strong & morally good in their behavior under the raising of both parents. Those children, who raised with single parent, have to face socially, economically & emotionally hurdles, troubles & problems. They feel insecurity. The absence of one parent can effect badly on their minds & can damage their personalities. Parents should help them to solve their problems & they should be friendly to them.

But some people think that it is not necessary to give the same importance both parents. They also say that single parent can lead a family & can bring up children very well. They give the example of those children whose one of parents died accidentally. According to them, it is the responsibility of fathers to earn money & to bring up the children properly is only the responsibility of mothers because children emotionally attach to their mothers. And mothers can better understand their problems & can nicely solve them. They say that fathers have to focus on their work, so they don't have much time to see their children's activities. Their duty is only to fulfill their children's physically needs and requirements. And it's mother's duty to teach them the lesson of life.

To sum up, though both views are almost accurate but overall both parents' presence is necessary. A family can't be completed without absence of any one of them. A baby can't come in this world through a single parent then how can he/she lead his/her life with single parent? To conclusion, both parents should rear their children. Doesn't matter what society think, what people consider & what parents views? It's matter what their children want? And children always need both of them.

Thanks!

Hi Jiya,

Some corrections on the opening:

Father & mother both are the important parts of a family. They are not only important for each other but also for their children. Fatherhood must be emphasised as much as motherhood. Both parents certainly necessary for children's rearing. Father is the head of a family, no family can survive without father's presence because if mother is the Queen of family then obviously father is the King. And without King, Queen & her family is good for nothing.

For me, there are over 400 words in this essay, which is not a typical one. Besides, for the paragraph above, the idea is quite repetitive.

Hope it helps.

Thank u very much peter! It's really help me.