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IELTS task 2 : Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood.


willy0123 2 / 6  
May 20, 2010   #1
"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up"

As time went by, there were a lot of changes in our fast chaning society and it has also influenced the family. I agree fatherhood is also important as much as motherhood.

In my country, in my father's generation, it was generally believed women only had the responsibility for rearing their children up because my country is confucianism based country, so only men had to work and earn money for their family. However, the economy crisis and inflation caused a shortage of living expenses and that made women participating in economic activities. Nowadays it is very usual thing so it is hard to say only one party is responsible. Both father and mother have different role in their family which affects the children. I believe the more time parents spend together and the more activities parents do together, such as watching TV, playing games, cooking and etc, the more parents will build the strong family's relationship. In addition, the strong relationship could reduce the low birthrate and any other problems like a crime caused by a love deficiency, and learning problems. In my experience, my father often hung out with me and my sister going fishing, riding a snow sleigh and skating when I was a child. With there experience, I could make a lot of friends, and became a sociable person. But a friend of mine, whose father often worked outside the home and had a little time to stay with him always envied me and said he was lonely. We should know money cannot but everything such as love, happiness and relationship in the family.

In conclusion, both father and mother have their own skills and strength which can affect the psychological, emotional and social matter of the children. Therefore, fatherhood should be emphasised as much as motherhood.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
May 21, 2010   #2
...fast changing society, and it has also influenced the family. I agree that fatherhood is as important as motherhood.

In my country, in my father's generation, it was generally believed that women only had the responsibility for rearing their children up because my country is aConfucianism based country, so only men had to work and earn money for their family. However, the economic crisis and ...

Both father and mother have different roles in ...

With these experiences, I could make a lot of friends and became a sociable person.

But a friend of mine, whose father often worked outside the home and had a little time to stay with him, always envied me and said he was lonely. ------- this is a beautifully constructed sentence!!

emphasised emphasized.
prince303 5 / 10  
May 21, 2010   #3
Hi Willy,
First of all, you need to structure your essay well. It does not look nice this way. Try to write in at least 4 paragraphs. First introduction and state your opinion also. Second and third are for body and fourth for conclusion. To get good bands in IELTS this is very crucial.

good luck
triplesmickey 1 / 39  
May 22, 2010   #4
It is no use following useless and yet countless pieces of advice. Try your own way of writing. Nobody can compel you to one, and it is your very right to just create your style.
shalini singh 14 / 23  
May 22, 2010   #5
Hi,
You need rewrite this essay because there is no connectivity at all. Sentences don't express any idea clearly.You need to first make a thesis statement on which your essay should be based on

Good luck
OP willy0123 2 / 6  
May 25, 2010   #6
I also think I need to restructure this essay.
Thank you all you guys for helping me.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
May 26, 2010   #7
Well, you can enhance the structure a lot by adding a sentence or 2 to the first and last paragraph. This is where to give the essay its meaning. Tell the reader what it all means by adding a sentence to the end of that first paragraph. Then, repeat the same idea in the conclusion paragraph. The meaning you add in the intro and conclusion will extend to the whole essay.
aJ_M_65 1 / 3  
Jun 6, 2010   #8
You had to make your introduction part expanded ,as a result of reader understang the whole subject of your essay when he/she reads your first sentences.Do the same about your last paragraph that you have make a conclusion
mabu9669 4 / 9  
Jun 6, 2010   #9
my suggest is that you can write about 3 sentences in first paragraph to support both sides. Make your point of view.
the conclusion need follow the introduction, so this time you can give your attitue


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