Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Favorite Ride at Amusement Park and my Approach to Life

rifatmursalin 13 / 36  
Oct 31, 2011   #1
What is your favorite ride at the amusement park? How does this reflect your approach to life?

I'm at 250 words; that's the limit.

July 27, 2006. I vividly remember the first time going to an amusement park. I was extremely enthusiastic when my parents informed me the day before that we were about to go to an amusement park. The next morning, we were on the bus destined for Six Flags over Georgia, the park that was constantly being advertised on the broken T.V. in our living room. The variety of rides to choose from quickly overwhelmed me. There were the agile, expeditious, and thrilling roller-coaster rides. These roller-coasters involve gliding upside down, winding through a loop, and lasting for about two minutes. However, there were also the slow-paced boat rides; the lines for these rides were significantly shorter than the ones for the roller coasters.

The boat rides instantly reminded me of my summer experiences with rowing boats in rural Bangladesh. To me, the water rides in amusement parks resemble life in a very profound way. Rowing the boat at the park stimulated many thoughts about life in my head. Life will have obstacles, similar to the rocks under-water. However, I have a choice of rowing over the obstacles or rowing in another direction. Also, just as the water continues to roll, life continues to progress. I have control of my destiny. I can decide where I want my boat to be when the ride ends. Life is like a water ride; we paddle through it everyday, overcoming obstacles on the way. At the end, we simply want to reach our destination.

Any comments, criticisms would be great. I would appreciate if you could look for grammatical errors, the flow of the story. Is it specific enough? Did I do a good job describing the second part of the question.

Thanks so much!

blynnleon 4 / 9  
Oct 31, 2011   #2
I love it. I think it is very clever, but make sure you add that the boat ride was your favorite ride. You already answered the second part perfectly, but make sure you let them know it resembles your approach to life and not just a approach to life. Remember to make it about you. It is perfect, but add a little more of you in there and you should be done.

Home / Writing Feedback / Favorite Ride at Amusement Park and my Approach to Life